shocking new revelation

so ya i have a very shocking revelation to make, especially for the ppl who know me, but before that, i want to re introduce a few things.

so over the past 2 months, the ppl i know and ppl who know me have probably tripled. my definition of know is quite different, cos these are ppl that i spent substantial time with or at least enough to cross that line of stranger.

ya im not joking, its abt triple now. but that's not the shocking revelation. its probably common for nsmen. but for me its a huge makeover for the ppl i know now. so im like going to reintroduce myself.

im kind of a jc kid, in army terms, but that's not really true. my sch is quite different in the sense that its 6 years, small cohort, and i dint have to take a levels. so i had quite an easy life, even though acads were conceptually hard. im not as smart as u think, in fact ppl who know me know im a blur cock, and in army im still a kanchiong spider, always panicking. its not so bad now, and im given a chance (thankfully) to start anew and i feel like im quite well off now. im glad i ended up as a men in arty, mentioned in my previous post.

but anyway, my point is that before these two months, im the low profile guy (except internally quite known for being blur). my first true friends i made in sec 3, where i started trying to fit in since i dint really had friends before. and these are ppl i have stuck with for all the way till now, through hostel and many memories.

my point is that till before army i only had 10-20 friends past the good friends line, and they are like super impt to me since they are essentially my first few true friends (not technically but ya).

so the whole point of saying this is only those ppl who know me know of this site, so i write as if im talking to them (or u basically). if ur here at this point of time, ur either them, or u somehow found the super few links that exist here.

idk what interested any good stalking to come here, since im not active on social media and not the kind to promote my blog or aim for many hits and likes. i don't insta la basically, but i do abit of stalking nowadays cos there's a lotttt of interesting ppl ive met. even my sergeants im curious as to how they've changed.

anyway, i will try to talk like before, but my mentality has did a 3600 degree already. compared to my first post i have come a longggg way. don't read it i find it freaking embarrassing now. alot of my previous post also make me sound like a retard haha. yes im embarassed abt the plenty of unglamorous stuff i did before, but i think im relatively guai ah, still haven't done things like partying clubbing or drinking that kind. quite an excessive but amateur gamer. like to watch anime and running man too haha.

if u haven't met me in a long time, im much more talkative now, only around ppl im comfortable with though. in army i learnt how to get familiar with ppl, and i know how to not alienate ppl, if the conditions are right. like i said, im a kanchiong spider so i make mistakes like nobody's business, like i take something in a rush and leave another thing there. that's essentially how my bmt went lol.

but ya i have changed from being awkward to even speak up to now being able to ask all sorts of questions, even the seemingly obvious and stupid one's i dare to ask alr. but im not an attention seeker, i don't really like to stand out externally, just trying to be friendly with ppl im close or comfortable with.

idk what started the change, but it was an important adaptation cos it help me speak out and get my shit together. im somehow gained the confidence to open up to ppl, and i guess having stories to tell and knowledge to share helps a lot in becoming more interesting. i like to think that from being a teenager, im always trying to improve myself to become a more likeable and fun-loving person, though i was slightly outcasted last time because im not a nice person to be in a team with (due to all the screwups), but just someone nice to talk to.

i kind of know my purpose in ns now, which is to become like my parent's essentially. its a very good opportunity in ns since its two years, and even if im just a men, there is time to get my shit together, be more capable, stop running away from problems, and learn how to solve and handle basic things. i kind of want to keep my personality though, it has made me very good friends so far.

ok enough chatterboxing. the shocking revelation is that, i go to church now. for those who know me, u must be going "Holy fkkk!!", or maybe it dint surprise u at all. im not saying im atheist before, or im all holy and religious now, its a slow thing. but its fun i got to admit. and im no longer afraid to say i go church now lest people judge me. there's a lot of justification to it.

anyway, it started with me helping my section mate do his bic, cos they needed another person to do twice. it wasn't supposed to be me at first, but i took it for him anyway, since i found the experience interesting even though it was shagggg. long story short it ended up with him introducing me to church, which i at that point considered as a outing, an activity i never tried before.

it ended up with me crying on the first preaching. it was more serious of a lesson that day. i cried cos all my life i have felt the issue of not being confident enough to put myself in the middle, always restraining myself because i felt inferior to the rest. very true in bmt, i always felt that stress in me, long before. except in front of those 10+ close friends i made in high school.

i felt the healing effect of crying it out and daring to show weakness in front of everybody. it was a holy place after all, one where u bare ur soul and try not to feel ashamed. and then i made a decision to convert. actually it was more of accept, and of cos i dint have an actual clear concept of what i was doing yet, just a kind of commitment to this interesting experience and i will try it again.

today is just the second time i came, and at first i was still not very sure if church is the thing for me, but today was a great session, seriously. its like god has some invisible eyes and the timing of the lesson was exactly what i was reflecting about how i've changed. it does feel like something is done to ur soul, like opening u up and making u feel more accepted and willing to share weakness.

ok this must be pretty cheesy to my sceptical-about religion friends. pls don't judge me, i won't try to pull u in either. but it is a especially good source of motivation to nsmen. u need some purpose and also for me it gave me a bit more confidence, which i really needed, and helped me start anew on a good note. and i do feel freaking lucky to end up in arty, it really suits me i think.

i know i might have adapted anywhere, but nvr before had i have such a concrete idea of why i needed to serve ns and what i shud try to achieve, and if i think abt it, its actually quite miraculous. its not hard to believe i was blessed with such compatibility in my unit and now i actually hope i can do well and have fun in ns. it is so much more bearable than bmt. the experiences i've had to this point feels pre-planned, so of cos im slowly starting to believe that holy crap, something is actually helping me shape my life well haha.

i seriously wont pull u in, tbh im still not fully convinced god exists, i don't get all those visions yet. but i have accepted that something wondrous is happening and its helping me grow into the adult i want to be. and its seriously relatable to ns. like how ns feels like a place for me to become the adult, and suddenly my path is clearer like nvr before. like all i need to do is follow and have faith it will bring me to my dream life.

i have a concrete goal that i have never had before, and i just feel like sharing it. im slowly changing, now i have a few more ppl to whatsapp to and tell ppl things i have never tried saying before. its fun and good, that's why im sharing it.

so ya, im supposed to believe i have a destiny, and i will surely achieve my dream, just need to believe im perfect for my destiny, i will achieve it no matter what happens, and my future is bright. its such a good thing to believe in right? gives me assurance that i will succeed. like how running a 10:34 has made me feel like i have no probs with running. im a light, agile person that can become quite strong. and how surviving 24km and kestrel makes me believe anything less harder i will be able to bear it. its like a lifesaver attitude for ns, which is supposedly hated by many. 

i feel im lucky, and i hope i can achieve my dream in the future, together with all this nice ppl who bothered to help me understand this. so much change in 2 months. how to not believe im being blessed u tell me lol.

but guys don't worry im still the same old dion u can bully and joke with. i hope this doesn't change my past friendships but i hope to make new good friends too. life is going quite well if u ask me. i hope i improve la basically.

ok la that's alot of important info i just shared. like really quite personal inner thoughts. that's all for now. i've really become a chatterbox haha. anyway, bye~~. maybe this blog will spring to life again and more ppl may come closer to me enough to find this page haha. i won't advertise abt it don't worry. not that shameless. yet. haha