monday

gonna try out a new style for this post lolz. to try and capture all the random small funny things that happened.

7:20 - woke up. got ready for school. stares at mirror and faints. i look so retarded with my new hair >.<
7:30 - fingerprint thing doesnt work again... took baos for breakfast. yay i got both char siew and dou sha (the meat one sucks lolz) :D
7:50 - taking attendance is sian especially when dewey is always gone before i finished marking everyone..
8:00 - chem lesson. mr koh takes pleasure in torturing us. he keeps giving the super contented look though heh. but yea he is an awesome teacher :D
10:00 - english D:. clara and sam damn smart. since by right they were excused from school due to wemun, they came for chem and pon-ed english lolz. was secretly trying to eat and use my phone the whole lesson >.<
12:00 - everyone in class spazzing over math assignment lolz. i did mine, and i thought mr loo returned mine to me alr. so i went back hostel and realised its still with him o.o. came back down for nothing. went to help others, than realised i did qn 4 wrongly >.<
12:30 - nothing better to do. stayed in class to discuss math assignment with some ppl lol. felecia keeps spamming correction tape and rechecking her math assignment :o. delayed our lunch by damn long lolz.
1:20 - ate lunch with felecia, yiyi and yx. then mainly wasted time until chinese..
2:00 - yu fong came in with both compo and compre done GG. damn funny half the class was standing while he and nic were sitting down /o\
3:00 - some acapella thing for assembly. was pretty good actually.
4:00 - came back to hostel and found jookee in my room editing photos. and telling me about his game taking photos with jap girls /o\. nothing compared to ram or pang-kun, who hugged some of them lolol. but not bad for jookee XD
4:30 - random wasp flies in and me and jookee runs out of room screaming. that dude dint dare come into the room even after the wasp was long gone. and hearing him fazzing about some 'queen bee' that came into our room. but u cant believe jookee when his talking about insects. they're prolly more than half the size smaller than he says they are XD
6:30 - ate hostel food. it was ...
7.00 - shopping :D. and spammage of dried mangoes lolz.
7:40 - went hawker center eat oyster egg :D. good shit man lolz. and talking about japs and how they died eating chilli padi lolol.
8:30 - came back and watched avatar, and after that also watched in-betweeners. its damn ridiculous lolz.
11:00 - tried to blog. and failed horribly due to lack of inspiration... ended up watching anime with jookee and playing tenhou lol. damn him man make me re-addicted to it :o.

yea i had to post like this at least once. now u know how my school life is like /o\

supply run :D

yo~~ sry ah nvr blog for so long. its going to be random, cos i actually tried to post many times, but nvr finished lolz..

came back to hostel yesterday. was fazzing with jookee about grad trip to japan :D. we're planning on flying to Osaka, Kyoto, then  taking しんかんせん (bullet train) to Tokyo last. total cost will be 3000 dollars /o\. i guess that means im just gonna give my parents all the money i get from NS lolz.

but yea that money is gonna be so worth it. its like some huge thing to look forward to. the first few moments of freedom after high school life spent in japan. apparently zheng wei is interested :D, so if got any nice stuff we go make him buy and share lolz :P. anyway, we're trying to find slightly more ppl, but not many ppl willing to pay 3k le... see how la.

today we went to do supply run :D. supply runs are freaking awesome ok. we end up stocking up on alot of random stuff. we used to cook alot of awesome stuff last time until like 3am in the morning lolz. but yea we spent too much time on cooking lolz. not to mention its cancer causing D:. we're gonna die early, aren't we...

so yea we stocked up on dried mangoes. cheap stuff, but walao its darn good. jookee also bought 3 packs of rice for ARP, we got coffee, and i bought super cheapo batteries. 10 for $3.50 man win :D. and we were like ah beng's la. buy so many cheapo stuff act rich lolol. and we kept talking nonsense the whole time :D

actually we dint buy lots of stuff like last time spam milk. like time where jookee ditched me to play basketball at the arcade :P.

we went to the hawker center after that. yay that ice lemon tea that i can never lol. we also got oyster egg. 5 ppl sharing it o.o. finished in like seconds. but yea its so damn good. since hostel dinner was so disappointing. but all of them お金がありません (bo lui) la, so i ended up paying for everything >.<.

tired liao. still got a lot of other stuff that happened but shall give more details next time. ill just sleep for now. bye~~

was i given the sign to move on?

going out with the japs :D

today was really fun :D

it was pretty awkward at first though. reached there on time, but took like 40 minutes to meet up with chee seng and go to soup spoon :o. and at first i felt rather awkward and unwelcome too. but yea the buddies are nice and dint seem to mind us being there. wei han and wong were there too, because all of the jap buddies went to sentosa as a big group in the morning.

after lunch we took mrt to city hall and walked to funan for them to look at games. lol games. but fine they cost about 2x cheaper here than in japan, which seems damn weird cos when i went to japan almost everything seems to be ex there.

then basically we walked the whole singapore river. at first before we were all still very quiet, but after we went to the supreme court there, they seemed really impressed by the block of tall buildings. its quite fun to try to communicate lolz.

jookee could talk relatively well, but most of the time, we're using like one or two jap words. so yea i actually could talk to them haha. because of all the verbs i forced memorised from my japanese app lololz. and its a really great feeling to be able to understand what they're saying, and also when u talk to them and they get what ur saying. even though i cant talk in proper sentences cos all i know are verbs haha.

shan't elaborate too much ba, since its quite hard to blog about exactly what we did. we visited alot of places. basically we went to take photos at nice places, like the place where the original merlion is and the fountain of wealth. we were also like teaching them how to jaywalk haha. it was freakin hard at the roundabout at the fountain of wealth, and we got honked by the cars lololz. give them bad impression of singapore heheh :P

we also played awhile at the arcade. they were playing all the jap arcade games, like the racing one, and the tai-gu one. the otaku guy, takise-san is darn pro heheh. we spent like 1+ hour there until it was 6:30 lolz. haha im such a crasher :P.

met them back at hostel again lolz. they came up for awhile to ask how to get internet. so basically we taught them how, and stuff about our school like how the gates downstairs locks at 9 and our cluster gates lock at 11. had to use google translate on my comp, but mostly they were trying to tell us we don't need to trouble ourselves with them. nice ppl :'). it was really fun to talk to them. why dont i have my own jap buddy? D:

well thats bout all i did today. the post dint really capture what i did, but whatever la. i'll have my chance next year :D. i feel glad that i want to pick up jap so badly haha. yea next year. just wait :P. ok i still haven't studied chem yet cos jm forced me to watch katanagatari. i wont be sleeping yet, but anyway, bye~~

and then something new happens everyday. hostel life is amazing

orange

episode 19 was wow.

  

toradora is darn good. and that doesn't seem to be the right way to describe it either. ok i was abit skeptical of it at the front part, thinking that the plot would be rather standard, cos the front part was quite a joke actually. but the middle was amazing. full of strong emotions and happiness mixed with some bittersweetness.

  

i can't exactly describe it with entertaining too, cos its more like it makes u feel very attached to it or something. that when something happens u feel like ur at a loss for words. can't describe it. but its just so good to watch. yea i probably seem to be acting a bit too impressed here, so fine i shall stop describing...

  

i love how all the anime i watch end their episodes very well. its not like singapore drama or bleach that overused kind of suspense ending, which in bleach case usually results in some op power that came out of nowhere. 

  

the way angel beats and toradora ends their episodes is more like some important decision, event or  feeling happened, and then the ending theme song plays halfway and it links to the ed, and im like "wow that was such a good episode". maybe its why im so hooked to ed songs. and some of them the lyrics are amazing too, and i can actually understand quite a bit haha. ~proud~

  

actually that 'awesome episode feeling' comes out in most of the anime jm introduced to me, but for toradora sometimes u can feel that 'loss for words feeling' when the characters make the 'wrong' decision or something. and ya i think i like toradora better than angel beats now :o. gah i dont want to compare them, both of damn good in their own ways tskk...

  

anyway, yesterday after cca me, pin, jookee and cheeseng went to wcp to eat dinner lolz. actually i ate alr but just tagged along. homemade ice lemon tea! yea this is the third time i mentioned it here :o. and damn i finish it so fast that its never enough...

  

after that, since so many ppl were staying over the night for DSA camp, we wanted to play soccer, but unexpectedly, there was astro in the netball court lolz. after peeking into a few telescopes, we kind of resigned to not being able to play, but then for some reason the school was much brighter that night and the tennis court lights were on. the auditorium too. so we noticed that actually we can play in the futsal court :D. why dint we think of this before? ;-;

  

and by now we have played with each other so much that no matter how random our teams are there's always pretty good teamwork. though it was darker so it was much harder for keeper to save the balls, but still a really good match. actually my definition of good is more like it was fun, and everyone seems satisfied with how they were playing in the match, with opportunities and all that. which i think is what most of us play soccer for.

  

supper was bubur hitam haha. was obsessing about how nice it was even though ppl said it wasn't sweet. after two bowls the sweetness suddenly seemed to disappear and i felt i was eating rice in water lolz. hmph.

  

crashed lee's room that night since jm wasnt around. was obsessing over runescape's member world haha. i always wanted to be a member cos its seriously overwhelming to have more than 100 times of content thrown at u. but doesn't seem like i'd play it alr though. still fun to talk about it though hehe.

after that jookee called me up, and we went to cyrus room awhile slack. actually he was doing work and i was playing ipad lolz. jetpack joyride. damn im officially addicted. i could try to defend myself here... even though i dont feel like playing it until i get my hands on the ipad, then suddenly i feel like playing it lolz. ok weakest defense ever lol :o

  

slept at 2 lmao. i actually woke up rather easily at 6:01. and i actually felt pretty refreshed. amazing man. though being the first to wake gives u the temptation to sleep again lolz. went down by 6:40 to eat, then to audi to bring the students to change into camp t shirt

  

actually i shan't elaborate too much ba. bio lab was fun cos the lesson seemed rather interesting. but the DSA students probably have no idea what normal lessons are like lol. they might think our lessons are always this interesting. anyway, it was actually rather interesting walking around seeing what they do lolz. i feel like some assistant teacher with the knowledge to help them but not allowed to help haha. and there were quite alot of 'cute' mistakes or something, so we (the group ic's of red 7 and red 8) just kept staring at each other and laughing quietly lolz.

  

the bonding part was quite sigh though cos the boys their idea of fun is to disturb other ppl. at first it was like for fun kind, so we entertained them, but after awhile they just spammed disturb xin rong lolz, so haiz. and it was quite hard to control them too cos they kept doing their pranks and dont seem very interested in cooperating, and some of them is like purposely dont listen so haiz...

  

i actually wanted to share with them many things about what i like about school life here that i thought would be interesting, but then i dint get the chance too, cos it was so awkward. we cant even get the self-intro done without half of them losing interest, so haiz... yea la i was like that last time too, but it feels quite sian to see that the p6's idea of fun is to purposely disturb each other and try to insult each other and argue bout the most meaningless of things lolz. feel like explaining this to them (as in not scolding kind la), but im not really in a position to do so...

  

anyway, this is quite a long post liao. tmr gonna have lunch with jookee, jiamin, zhengwei and their jap buddies. its slightly earlier though, so im worried i wont wake up in time. so i gotta hope that i wake up as easily at 9 tmr today. and i hope nothing screws up like all the previous outings i had lololz. gah if i had my own jap buddy id spam him with all the sg food here that he'll explode :o. assuming i wont be too awkward when he actually comes here lolz. which would prolly happen :o. anyway, i need to set up my Zeo thing now. goodnight :)

  

sometimes, bittersweet feels better than just simply sweet

free day tonight :D

staying over tonight cos got DSA camp tmr :D. first time i help out before, so i dont really know what to do lololz. how am i supposed to control 14 P6's lolz. but yea i think its gonna be fun. dunno who's gonna wake me up lolol. 6:45 am :o.

tmr happens to be the day the japs are coming. jiamin, jookee and zhengwei are all gonna stay over at jm's house with their two buddies. jiamin's house lolz. i wonder how he's gonna clear up the space for them :P. but yea i really want to tag along but can't.

was quite epic at the start of the week, cos jiamin and jookee keep raging over the fact that their buddy is vegetarian. then jookee took the trouble to send an email in jap lolz. then his buddy said on twitter than he loves vegetables, but likes beef too. BEEF LOL. he got the meaning of vegetarian wrongly lolol.

but that's actually good news now since zhengwei is gonna treat jiamin and all of them to expensive food. u shud have seen jiamin's delighted face after that lol.

this week there hasn't been particularly much events too. as in nothing really out of the ordinary happening in class recently, though its still quite fun. yesterday there was table tennis competition lololz. and yea the lift happened to break down right after dinner. that roughly translates to walking up 12 stories to wear shoes and come down >.<

jookee vs chee was a particularly entertaining match lolz. jookee hit like 7-0 to chee cos of i dunno what man.   prolly chee wasn't used to a bat that had no spin, and jookee just kept bouncing the ball over, high ball also nvm. then after that it became 9-7 cos chee sudden come back, but in the jookee still won lolz. was over in one match though, so chee dint get to play anymore. thats quite sad actually cos he is not too bad le.

yen ling vs rachel was quite interesting too. rachel is quite good le, but yen ling to pro for her. i dunno how she does it, but she keep doing floating spin or something. like when the ball bounce to its highest point, she hits it angling downwards, and then the ball goes downwards but floats up a bit, so its quite fast. so zai de lolz

i auto won my first match, and then second match i played with aditya lolz. actually its also like free kill cos half of the 6B participants dunno how play lolz. after that i played with yx and got owned. D:

after that i went up to play soccer. was almost 9 by then, so everyone happened to be going back when we came up. so we played with 4 ppl only lolz. but it was quite fun le, cos we played horizontal, dont need run so much. plus got so much space to control ball, dribble, pass and use tactics too. was actually quite fun lolz.

next week's gonna be busy man. 5 quizzes for bio students, 4 for non-bio. but worry about next week next week lolz. ok fine maybe weekends would be more busy, but now i feel free lolz. gonna watch anime heh. i dint give enough credit to angel beats in the previous post ok. gah the ending is so good, and the music too lolz. er, what else to say about it...

oh yea i have like schedule's for anime now lolz. like wk 1-2 was angel beats, and wk 3-5 will be for toradora, then wk 6-7 bakemonogatari, and im gonna try out accel world heh. otaku much lololz. but wow its amazing ok it keeps my mood up for the whole week. anyway i only watch 2-3 episodes at one shot since i dont like rushing anime, so i can do this like everyday.

but i dont think i can finish jap grammar until at least 6 weeks later tskk. though i keep spamming that quiz app on my phone that i half master JLPT 3 verbs alr. doesnt work that way though i have to use those words rather than just know and memorise them :o.

thats enough ranting for now :P. blogging non-chronological is so much easier and nicer to read :D. going off to watch toradora :D. bye~~

it just takes only one person to make all the difference

coming back again

just finished watching one ep of toradora. anyway, im watching anime again :D. after so long getting stuck with maple. i realised im so much past the level that i actually aimed for, so i dont actually really need to continue playing lolz.

anyway, im sorry i dint post for so long. i realised i was too hard pressed to post about all the stuff i did that i couldn't write out what i want to say. its so much easier to just say what u want without any specific order.

usually blog during tuesdays lolz. cos im so free :D. but yea actually i think ecology is really interesting lor.. and maybe one sem ago i would definitely not want to take bio, cos even then when im so free i slacked so much that i dint actually do any piece of work well. but uh, tioman trip... i'll be darn lonely here in my room lolz. actually that's not really the point, but gah i think i like bio again D:

i mean i keep seeing interesting stuff, like they had this cool demonstration thing on the concourse just now where u pick up beans scattered on a mat using ur hands or a fork. of cos its much harder with the fork la, so prolly some natural selection demonstration. and then just now when i was helping to 'test' felecia on her bio o, i saw all the random hormones, and gah its so interesting. but yea that's what ppl say until they actually take the module :P

oh yea im doing this voluntary stuff for clara's ARP. basically i wear this headband when i sleep, and it measures my brain waves :o. and this accelerometer watch i wear all the time now lolz. actually im a bit disappoint (my english phail :P) by how unimpressive it is. actually thats cos i saw the pics from brain camp lolz. but still brain waves. this shit is cool XD

i finished angel beats last week, and my god its so goood, im so mindblown and amazed by the ending. uhhh, words cant describe my love for angel beats LOL. but seriously its really amazing.

up till now i still havent found what genre of anime i like in particular, or maybe i just like all, but there's one particular one i like. got some element of school in it. i dunno why but it just appeals to me haha. and i think i like angel beats so much cos its like the right mix of action and slice of life, and omg the story's theme is really wonderful. i dunno whether i shud describe it here cos i dont like to sound philosophical, but its about how no matter how unfair our lives are, no one else can understand it except you. which is why i wouldn't want to live someone else's life even if its so much better than mine. ok i cant say this anymore /o\

oh yea i made quite alot of progress for learning jap too :D. i got the human japanese app yay~~. and also i mastered JLPT 4 and 5 verbs heheh. well actually its just the limited verbs on my phone app, but wow i understand so much more jap lyrics now haha. though i havent actually applied them yet, more like i 死背 them (i think its the wrong bei >.<). but still i start picking them out from jap songs more often :D. i still need someone to go with me to japan next year though...

yea i think im gonna end this post now hahah. feels so good blogging again, and randomning all this stuff. ok bye~~

P.S. changed my blog title to mapo tofu :D. guess where that reference came from lolz.

in the end, everyone reciprocates feelings. even if its just very little

class outing to rocky's :D

im in the most random place right now. in the design and engineering lab trying to reinstall solidworks. its gonna take quite long so im gonna blog lolol.

so our class outing. was a really random thing lolz. cos monday quite a few clusters went to shangri-la, so we couldn't have the class outing that we originally planned. during mentoring, dewey suggested that why not we just go out somewhere after pe, since it ends at 4:30, and the time after that was a good time to slack. so yea me being the indecisive planner decided to just post something on fb lololz.

so yea after pe on thursday, suddenly everyone kept attacking me with questions lolz. like where to go and all that. i dint really know where to eat la. cos im indecisive like that. but anyway we kinda decided roughly at clementi area and then went up to bathe and meet up at 5:30 outside hostel gate.

was quite surprised that so many ppl turned up la lolz. not to be offensive or anything, but i dont think anyone was expecting yu fong, lowell and glenn to come :P. and quite alot of ppl wore red shirts too. so in total we had 21 ppl going. thats pretty darn successful :D. well the shirt was kinda cheesy and jookee keeps calling it some mao pai huo of nike lolz, but i dint really feel paiseh wearing it :P

i think we wasted abt 20 minutes just standing in front of hostel gate talking, waiting for ppl, and saying how paiseh it was to wear the shirt. and most epic was when there was like 20 of us there. and we were waiting for chen ge, cos we tot he is putting make up or something XD. but then he suddenly showed up in pe, and was like completely unaware that we had class outing lolz

well we did alot of retarded stuff on the way there, like trying to go by the rubbish gate, but realising its locked, and some ppl went to climb it while other ppl detoured lolz. and at the front gate bus stop, when the bus to clementi came, suddenly someone suggested eating at rocky's at sunset way. so we just randomly swapped bus while ppl were boarding the one towards clementi :o. wow im really bad at being decisive...

anyway we took quite alot of random photos, so here goes..

pizza :D


ok it might not look particularly tasty, but its darn delicious when hot

random shots of ppl


seeu kun being called a pig most of the time



png the poser :P


yea actually there were many more. but alot were unglam (mine too lolz). and they are not very good quality :/ my camera is getting really lousy.

anyway, halfway, boonxin and yenling went out to buy some drinks. yea drinks. boon xin just turned 18 recently lolz. so yea we drank 'fruit punch' :D. and we kept disturbing yenling, saying she was drunk, cos her face keep turning red, and she say 'im not drunk!' in the way drunkards do lololz. in fact everyone sitting around that area all become blur blur de. yea i also kena :P

anyway, i like the group photos :D. but only have like 3.

we took one inside (only half the ppl)


our new class fb page pic :D

everyone looks really happy lol

fun shot

what's so fun about shooting me -.-

anyway after that we decided to walk towards the daily scoop in sunset way. quite a long distance too. but good for digestion, since we ate until so full anyway. apparently that ice cream shop is pretty famous. bought mocca flavoured ice-cream. yea my favourite :D. it dint really counter the effects of the drinks though. i kinda crashed the moment i came back haha. actually i was hoping we'd stay around the tv room to slack abit, but everyone was tired so yea

so yea another successful outing haha. im so indecisive hur... its like i got ideas and all but i always need someone to help me get it across to ppl lolz. but yea ppl are rather enthu in helping out too, so yea its pretty gratifying being this useless mentor rep lolz :D. the outing was really fun :D. ok la nothing much to say liao bye~~

3 hours of cold

on the bright side, i just finished the last oral of my life :D. if i dont fail la lol.

the 2 min part was really easy, talking about game addiction, but the pic was slightly hard cos it was dragon dance :o. so we kept getting spammed by culture qns and ya i got stumped :o. but overall it was rather satisfactory. i spent half the time in there sleeping though, and jordan woke me up by pouring water in my mouth :o

anyway, today class was really empty cos 12 ppl when to biopolis for some bio seminar thing (i think). we tried to get our eng class cancelled lolz, cos no one can stand him haha. even though he is nice and all but still... so yea we all tried to hide below the window and of all the lights. dunno who's idea was that lolz. but when he came in we all damn paiseh la. so obvious what we were trying to do lol...

yea thats abt all that happened today actually. last listening compre of my life in 9 days. i hate lc it makes me so sleepy tskk... i feel quite relieved now even though there's still english. but yea relatively free again :D. gonna slack more today. prolly gonna skip soccer cos my ankle is still healing, but lets say all the random ppl weren't there then i might actually want to play lolz. but i'll probably end up mapling tskk. 9 1.5X badges expiring in two days o.o

ok im off now. this is a lame post lolz. bye~~

recovery

just went to katong to eat chicken rice for lunch today. feeling rather good now :D

anyway, this week was rather eventful as well. there was youth day holiday, carrer day, class outing, and some random fire drill on friday lololz. i think i need about two posts to cover everything.

was abit silent this week. i felt like i was being the most boring person ever. alot of ppl tried to talk to me, but i must seemed like i dao-ed everything. i was really trying to talk too, but struggling to think about what to say.

ever since i came back from the holidays, i've been feeling quite different from what i used to. its like when anything happens, i no longer seem to think much about it, but just simply accept it. like when the first 12 ppl in my class have to go for some aesthetic program next monday. most ppl will sigh and say its like some waste of time and they wanted to sleep or something, but i dont really feel this way. and thus i cant seem to make some sort of comment when ppl talk to me about it.

its like ive lost all my personal views about things. my playfulness and rebelliousness seems to have diminished, but now i want it back again. cos ive become so boring these days.

of course i tried to do something about it. i followed ppl around during their breaks, and tried to join in the conversations, but usually all i do is listen to ppl talk about stuff. like hearing them talk about some interesting thing they've heard or making some lame joke and disturbing ppl. or talking about what they are pissed about. it seems like other than me, nobody else seems to have any problem finding stuff to talk about.

of course ppl did try to talk to me, since i was there to listen anyway. but i couldnt think of anything to say. i felt quite bad for making ppl so uncomfortable, cos its like they tried to talk to me, like for example when we're eating, but then i dont say anything. so it just ends up as awkward silence. all i do is laugh at other ppl's conversations but i dont seem to be making much conversation myself.

so yea i need to get my fun back. im not very good at anything specific, but i feel like ive always wanted to have fun. so yea felt quite empty when i suddenly couldn't make conversations. but yea today was kinda refreshing cos i think i found out how im going to get my enthusiasm with being around ppl back.

i need to argue more :P, like i did with my mum today haha. was quite random actually, cos my mum keep trying to persuade me to do IT, and i was trying to stick with engineering even though i might regret it, but i dont feel like i would.

i know this is quite weird, but the point is, even though i did get a bit pissed, but without realising it, i was thinking and making conversation again. and its those kind of harmless arguments, since my anger tolerance was much higher than before. probably one year back id start being rebellious on purpose, but i dont feel that way now. in fact i actually felt kinda happy that we did argue lolz.

so yea, i need to get used to go around disturbing ppl again. like i used to last time :P. get abit of that harmless playfulness back. i want to be interesting again. to feel like myself again, just like how i was towards the end of last term. to have as much fun as possible :D

ok this has been a rather long post again lololz. still got class outing to post about, as well as all the random funny stuff that happen over this week. bye~~

but even if i dont get it in the end, everything would still be worth it

something small

i thought i tried hard. but sometimes, i still get treated the same way.

it wasnt like something very big or all that. it was something very small. i was happy for the whole of since school started till then. then i was reminded that even though so many things have changed for the better, that im having so much fun now, sometimes ppl still treat me like that. no this isnt about my sprained leg..

things happen all the time. i know i shudnt be pitiful and all that, but i shudn't be pretending its not affecting me either. made me rather miserable last time. i dunno how to feel now, other than abit upset that in the end, that i dint feel like i got back what i gave.

i hope this doesnt demoralise me from doing what ive always being doing though. keep being cheerful. keep doing new stuff. and keep trying to get ppl to do fun things. ive been doing more of these now recently. yea thats all. sry for the upsetting post...

cheer up. it shudn't take too long

being male

haha this is going to be such a random post. cos i have nothing better to do :P. so yea sometimes i feel like i dont really want to be a guy.

its not like im gay or something. im straight, somewhat XD. its just that i dont really like the concept of being masculine haha. doesnt really fit my personality. first thing, guys are supposed to be strong, sturdy, buff. but all i really want is to be light and smooth and fast. but then for the sake of NAPFA and NS, we have to train up physical strength. muscles. tskkk. i cant even do 25 push-ups without my shoulders hurting for the next 2 days lolz.

secondly, guys cant do 'beautiful' stuff. it just seems really awkward and embarrassing. its not like we like to act cute or something. but even singing or dancing can seem so awkward tskkk. its like we cannot really enjoy those stuff. i know there's hip-hop and all that, requiring lots of strength and all, but it doesnt really appeal to me cos its so hardy and rough. yea la it looks really cool, but its more of physical strength liao, something i cant do. i like acrobatics though, like able to backflip and all that heheh.

and sometimes i wish my voice could be higher so that it can sound more like the songs im listening too, cos almost 95% are for females tskk. my voice just sounds so shity and low compared to that. so yea i tried to breach that by learning how to whistle haha. it allows me to go one octave higher, so i could try to match the voice in my head that remembers all this song. but yea whistling isnt really a skill anyway, so yea. heck ill just use it for the sake of my own engrossment lololz.

and finally, guys keep have to have some coolness or something, to show they're in control or blablah. don't really like this u know. its like girls have the freedom to do many things, and no one would say anything cos they're girls, but guys ah. 'that's not cool' or whatever nonsense reasoning. are we really supposed to be so much different from girls? we're still human after all.

ok its not like i do all those stuff, but there's always this mental block when you really want to do something but ur scared of all those attention and that weird looks ppl give u. or maybe i simply have no guts haha. but seriously man, whats with all these random barriers that prevent u from doing things? ~~sigh~~

haha ok i know being a girl has its own inconveniences and all, and im not going to do anything drastic like change my gender, so haiz i guess i just got to accept that im a guy lololz.

and ha i still have one more angel beats episode here heheh. kudos for self-control :D. but damn this sem i really have so many things i want to do. i want to learn jap, watch those anime's that are really good and make me so engrossed, and i also might want to learn how to play these songs on piano, or sing them, instead of just whistling, though that requires my jap to improve.

and yet this sem have to work on ARP and my chinese A-level, which i have a small concern about. sigh why dint i come to my senses earlier D:? i could be halfway there already if i had been more serious in learning jap... ah well. i think my gaming addiction has been reduced cos of all these new things i picked up this year.

need do some darn english research work by tonight that'll eat up 2h, and maybe ill push mock oral preparation to monday(thank god for youth day holiday). so i get more time i need to entertain myself. i want to learn abit of jap today too. and maybe next time i shud watch more real-life jap shows. ah god time why u so precious?

and yet it is so easy to waste. cos like i can spend 2+ hr in finding out more about another anime to watch or blah blah. i can also waste 2+ hr trying to do work early, cos initiating work is always so freaking less efficient then when ur stressed out to finish it by tmr. so yea i'll use that as an excuse to slack today :D. ok nothing much to say liao. bye~~

and there's always the few things im so happy that i ever did them