a quarter way through

its been a really long time since i last posted haha. i wanted to post at the end of last sem but i just couldn't get myself to bother, and i almost forgot the existence of this blog, but yea im back again :) uni life has been really eventful. fun, and overall i think my experience has been pretty positive. just finished exams last week and i have quite a few things to look forward to for this summer haha. 

going on cultural exchange to japan on 4-21 May, then a study trip to japan again (idk how i plan things haha) from 2-10 Jun. in between and after these trips, i have events subcomm duties for meta camp, and not long later, it would be the mock and actual camps. would have quite a few IS workshops during july period, and also probably rehearsing for guitar performance in september (oh yes i joined guitar heheh). quite a few exciting things lined up for me haha, and i hope i wont be too busy to have fun :)

idk where to start, but i guess the best thing about uni so far is i've manage to find a group of close friends (which is our meta camp group), and its not like we are very happening or anything, but it really made me look forward to going to school everyday, even though life is so shag haha. there were many good moments, buffets, birthday celebrations, mini outings, mugging for tests together, and actually its all the many small meetings that count haha.

this sem i feel like i've done a few things that i can be proud off haha, and im starting to get better and gain confidence at what i can do. 

i joined guitar, and even though it isn't anything very special (in fact some ppl might find it boring), i really like how the members are quite bonded (some alumni also come back for practice), and how its a really chill place and free from politics haha. in the short 2-3 months i've joined, we've had a performance at open house, and then 2 weeks later, a performance at sengkang library (just a very small one). i also found out how noob i still am haha, but also how fun it is to screw up as a group but still manage to give a good performace heheh.  

joining this cca has reignited my interest in guitar, and outside of cca time i have went to self-learn many more songs now and i feel confident to play quite a few chinese, korean, jap and english songs for fingerstyle haha. i really like chinese and korean songs, cos they're very emotional and i get alot of feels playing them :D. haven't really got a chance to showoff showcase what i have picked up, but im quite proud of myself for improving so much in this short period :P. looking forward to cca resume, though it'll probably be june before i go to my next session haha

another thing that has been going well for me is my acads i guess. i don't really want to show off to my SMU friends haha, and i know i'm really not that smart, as compared to how many of my NUS or overseas friends doing engineering, medicine/pharm. i guess anyone of them would probably top the cohort here as well because i guess tbh it isn't to difficult here compared to NUS haha. i really liked this sem's mods (2 coding mods, stats, econs, bgs) and i guess i've put a lot of effort (relative to myself last time) and managed to get quite a lot of full marks haha. 

i guess i also spent quite a lot of time helping ppl this sem because after awhile, because after one year of studies, i realise i quite enjoy helping or guiding ppl in coding, and subjects that im good at. a lot of ppl started calling me is god, and when we hit hard topic, they say stuff like if i dont know means they wont be able to know it. 

but then at the same time, this actually made me feel a bit excluded, and i dont really like the attention also. by their actions, sometimes i feel like ppl underplay the effort i put in to do ms ching's (my infamous stats prof) homework every week, or finish all the labtest practices. i acknowledge that i probably don't mug as hard as some ppl (maybe most ppl), but i really tried. and sometimes i really don't know or i'm very drained from juggling work from 5 mods, but ppl just say i don't need to worry about anything, even though im sure they dont mean any harm.

but i guess this is a small issue haha, since summer has started :P. just my feelings getting hurt a bit. hopefully this sem i might be able to score 5A+ and get perfect score for just 1 sem haha, though i might not have done well for finals for some topics heh. actually, ultimately i dont really care, though its good to have nice results, because most of my satisfaction comes from feeling like i've really learnt alot of useful stuff, especially the coding mods (we can read and write files now, build databases, make a small website to process queries, got better at charts and excel stuff because of stats).

ok i bet i guess i showed off quite a bit haha, but not many readers here to judge me anyway :P. i just want to feel a bit of acknowledgement even though when ppl praise me in real life i just react weirdly haha.

one thing that made me feel kind of disappointed this sem was that i didn't manage to become a meta faci, because i couldn't find a partner. i really wanted to become one because my faci was a really good one and i wanted to be in the same position, giving advice and helping the freshies.

what happened in the end was everyone thought i was going to co-faci with this girl in my meta group, but then in the end idk why but she chose someone else to co-faci with her. i was actually quite hurt and even cried a bit, and at some point i was somewhat angry also and did not talk to her for a long time. but deep inside i thought that maybe it was just me that wasn't good enough.

in the end i joined as a subcomm, and discussing and planning the games was actually quite fun and the subcomm members are all quite lively haha. even still, it is a lot of work when 6 ppl plan like the whole events section for the camp. i still feel kind of sed when i see the facis grouping together discussing about their performances and their names and trying to pull different ppl in for their freshies. but i guess once its all over i would still feel satisfied with what i did.

there are times when i feel kind of inadequate, even though i told myself not to compare with other ppl especially looking through insta and stuff. to me it feels like there's a missing element of fun in my life haha. maybe its because im too focused on just studying and cca and playing my games, and i feel like people don't really have much to talk to me about because i don't have any interesting stories to tell (aka gossip). 

i know im quite lucky so i should look at things that i have instead of what i dont have haha. i got some people to talk to about different stuff, but i still keep a few things to myself because i cant get myself to say them. overall, i guess things have been going quite smoothly for me, so i shan't really complain haha. just hoping that someday i can find someone who can accept me for my flaws and provide me emotional support haha.

anyway, that's all for now ba. really looking forward to summer starting and hope to have lots of fun in japan :D. let me know if u guys want any souvenirs ^^

lonely.

uni life has been pretty fine so far. its busy sometimes, but generally the amount of work to do is manageable (for now haha). i'm also quite thankful i have my meta (camp) group to hang out with after lessons, even though most of the time they're just mugging haha. they kinda go home damn late though, which kinda makes me stay back until like 10+(the templars pun) every day in school. but overall, its been quite fun so far.

luckily for me i spent the 2-3 weeks before term started to revise my java, cos the pace for it is honestly quite fast for ppl who have not learnt it before. i mean its still not anything greater than the basics (nested-for, methods, objects), but there's still a lot of things to learn. i guess i spend a lot of time trying to teach the other ppl in my group what works and what doesn't work haha.

idk why i have this feeling that i'm being suppressed though. i'm not sure whether its because i feel like i can't really fit in with some ppl, or whether its because i think i'm not good enough. it could be just my imagination, because when i'm in a group, i feel like i managed to be friendly with everyone, but when i'm not with them, i feel like i'm excluded or missing out on stuff, because no one really comes up to talk to me. so ya i feel kinda lonely cos of that.

i think part of the reason is cos i know close to nobody in this school, other than loo, whereas everyone else in nus can just crash each others rooms at night. and also cos everyone else in sum seems to dress better, or look fitter, or know what they're doing, whereas i'm kinda just floating around cos i'm not sure about anything. that's why even though i feel happy when ppl talk to me, i find it difficult to talk about myself because i subconsciously think that my opinions and my hobbies are like not as good as someone else's. maybe this is called an inferiority complex.

i haven't really shared with many other ppl that i'm into anime, or that i can speak jap, or that i like to play anime songs on guitar when ppl ask me what kind of song do i play or listen to. and that i want to go karaoke but i'm worried that i'll be too paiseh to sing the songs i want to sing. so ya, even though ppl generally think i'm nice, friendly, helpful, subconsciously i still feel like i'm just another acquaintance to others.

sorry for ranting haha. i guess i'm just lonely ba. i need to be more confident in myself :/

first week of school

i realized probably nobody reads this blog anymore and the url is super outdated but i can't think of what to change it to haha.

did a few things for the first time last week, just before school started. went to the trampoline park on monday with arts camp ppl at orchard cineleisure, and yea it is alot more difficult than it looks, not to mention damn tiring. i felt like i was there for 2+ hours and it was like the most exercise i did in weeks haha. after playing around for awhile we decided to try some stunts, but we couldn't master the most basic one, which is lying back like trust fall, then bouncing back upright.

its quite difficult to pull off cos if u don't trust fall properly and land on ur butt instead of ur back, there will be this recoil action that will cause u to hit ur head on the trampoline, which is quite painful cos of the jerk to the neck. so ya i actually tried quite a few times and ended up aching the whole of the next day.

there was also this ninja warrior section with a few obstacles and stuff like the steps, jumping spider, warped wall, and some running thing, which was quite fun haha. so ya, its kinda expensive ($22 for 1 hour), but its something to try at least once ba, and its pretty thrilling haha.

i also went to a club for the first time on thursday to support one of my friends from inspirar camp in the bash pagaent. was quite different from what i expected, and ya zouk looks alot nicer than i imagined haha. the sound was also not blaringly loud like the foc camp, so it was actually quite nice. the bash programme itself was quite boring but we got free drinks cos all the tickets entitled us to one, so i got margarita, which was quite nice. seems like im someone who likes to drink sweet cocktails haha

i'm not going to become some clubber though haha, cos its still not my kind of thing, and after the event u can like see alot of ppl outside the club vomitting and lying on the floor dead af. self-control :/. my group din't really drink much so we went for late night dim sum, and got a free ride home haha (nice to know someone who can drive).

school started this week and i found it quite fun ba. some lessons were damn sian cos i can't stand course descriptions, and i have like quite alot of fluff mods this sem :/. i enjoyed my IS mods though, one is java coding, the other is IT case studies (presentation mod, but i like the topics). but other than that, lessons are quite sian haha, takes me a bit of discipline not to fall asleep :/

hanging out as a group with my meta camp people after lessons were quite fun, cos we just talk about stuff, buy and eat food together, hear stories from the seniors and sometimes disturb each other abit. almost everyone else is like quite siao on about the work though, like reading textbook, doing more exercises than necessary, making notes etcetc. probably cos its the first week.

im like taking it kinda chill, because there's really only a few articles to read and for java a few videos and self check quizzes to complete, but yea i started doing abit for the upcoming projects liao (because i tio so many fluff mods D:). ended up eating dinner in sch quite alot, and burning all my money haha. met up with loo once or twice too cos its nice to know someone ur familiar with haha.

so yea uni seems kinda manageable for now, though there's this one mod where i'm kinda dreading the project cos need to liase with some external company and solve some problem for them or something. eeeyer. but it'll be okay ba haha. i'm good at being optimistic lol.

can't wait for cca's to start cos after lesson hours are still quite sian. i definitely can't just take lessons and go home that's just too boring lol. waiting for cca fair next week, and my top choice is sound foundry, which is the band cca, cos jamming is fun :). and then i have been considering funk (some dance cca related to popping), cos the workshop was fun, but i still don't really know if i should try.

there's also this isports interest group where they actually play jap mahjong haha. i won't even call it a cca anymore cos its like purely recreational (got bridge, mahjong and poker). went for the tryout session last friday, and yea it was damn chill and shuang haha.

dunno whether its possible to jio pin and the rest of them over cos they have not many ppl who can play, but that'll be damn fun haha. so ya i also considering to join isports haha. so yea, i'm kinda looking forward to the next week of uni. hope i can stay motivated throughout the term and have fun.

k that's all for this random post. bye~~

camp withdrawal

hi its been a while since i last posted haha. just came back from 10 days of almost back to back camps, was due to my bad planning, but i have no ragrets haha.

after coming back from japan i lepak for close to 1 month playing games, watching anime and sleeping alot, barely learning much in preparation for uni, and not getting any part time cos all my tuition application failed. then after getting scolded for quite a bit, i went to do part time in the pokemon cafe, just to yolo and try out a f&b job for the experience.

to summarize, it was a really shag job, getting used to doing 7 hrs in a row with no break time, no meal time. my first few shifts i couldn't stand the hunger after enduring from 9am-4pm without eating anything, so occasionally i ate some leftovers back in the kitchen cos i couldn't take it anymore lol. and i converted to pm shift where the hunger issues weren't so bad and where the shifts were about 1 hour shorter.

towards the end i realised i got used to the job and enjoyed talking with all the similar-aged ppl there. merchant was damn fun cos u get to talk about pokemon, interact with all the enthu kids, help ppl search for what they looking for, arrange all the cute merchandize, and draw stuff during the free time. but yea i got used to the busser role too, after awhile it wasn't so bad after all. of course it was still an f&b job so i had to do all the saikang like clear plates, mop floor, clear trash, carry stuff. but it was fun while it lasted and i was a little reluctant to stop haha.

then came in the camps. technically i alr finished arts camp before i ended my part-time, and that was pretty fun cos there were so many workshops that let u try like dance, instruments, singing, etc, and it gave me an idea of what cca i wanted to join. but after that came the 3 back-to-back camps and i was a bit apprehensive, cos the first camp shagged me out by the 3rd day, and i never do this kind of yolo thing before haha.

so first up was freshmen orientation, and tbh it was pretty boring, and i dint really like the ppl there that much, but there were times it was fun. then after a 1 day break i went for inspirar, which is a community service camp, but actually still an orientation camp. it was free and i wanted to clock some of the 80 required cip hours to graduate before entering sch.

it turned out to be extremely fun, cos there was sentosa games, which i haven't done in ages. it was also a chill yet well-planned camp, so during the free time, me and another guy went to play all the mind games we can think of, such as black magic, is this a string, mrt, telephone, take picture, etc. it was damn fun cos there was this girl who damn blur and her reaction damn epic. learned a few coin and rubber band 'magic' tricks as well.

the welfare for inspirar was also a lot better than my previous camps, the people were all a lot more friendlier than my previous camps and the performance items were also pretty entertaining, almost as good as arts camps haha. i was damn shag on the last day though, and only had like 7 hours to sleep after going home to pack before going for meta camp, which was my faculty and final camp. it was a really good way to end of my pre-uni summer too haha.

meta camp was not like an amazingly awesome camp by itself. its activities and welfare will be about on par with arts camp or inspirar camp. but its cos of the facis and the other ppl that make it so fun. IS ppl are like a lot more closer because they take away the bell curve, plus the cohort is small (abt 250), so everyone knows each other after awhile. our facis were ppl who stayed bonded throughout their one year in IS after meta camp, and they wanted to pass down the same thing to us.

also i was able to click with the other freshies a lot faster. all the IS guys are just able to talk to each other, compared to all the other business peeps i've met, even if we were all abit awkward at first. we skipped all the standard burning bridges and first impression games and instead we played stuff like connect, macdonalds, guess the word and ready, steady tempo go, where everyone gets to participate. got alot of epic moments la, and even though like our group doesn't really win any games, we still enjoyed ourselves alot ^^.

since our facis were so nice we all made them some photo memento with a folded crane containing all our pm's to them. the facis also took a lot of short videos throughout the camp and compiled it into a 6 min video. i think only our group got such a thing happening so we all very 小 touched and feel special haha.

so yea its been only two days since the camp ended but we already feel quite close and started discussing which mods to bid together as well as eat dinner together cos about half of them taking the java enrichment mod from yesterday to 3 aug. it really feels like SIS is a family cos of this helpful culture they have there.

feeling a little empty cos after having gone through a very eventful 10 days i finally got about 2 weeks of free time before uni starts, and it feels weird to suddenly have nothing to do all over again. having a bit of camp withdrawal, but looking forward to start the new term haha. i know i abit siao since im like looking forward to work, all the assignments, project and tests, but it also seem like i'll be having a lot of fun haha.

so yea all the best to me in uni ^^. bye ~~

too cute

sakura

i haven't blogged in a long time, and i have a lot of things to say and at the same time don't really want to say. but anyway to summarize, the trip to japan was really fantastic. and it was also a huge trainwreck for me. it didn't turn out the way i expected it to cos i screwed up really bad. but even still, i really enjoyed my time there, and i guess i took away a lot of lessons and memories. money can always be earned back, and mistakes can always be amended for afterwards.

so the great thing about this trip was i got to do almost everything i wanted to do. see the sakura, took nice photos, derp around a lot, go sing karaoke in japan, stock up on a lot of anime goods and manga that i wanted, and tried out more varieties of food that i didn't get to last time.

we derped around a lot more this trip. like in sendai where we traveled 2 hours all the way there just to take shadow photos of everyone, or in odaiba where we just played free racing games and other cool stuff. we also took a lot of random videos, but yea it won't leave the group cos either we'll get judged for being retarded or its offensive to certain ppl haha.

we also had a car trip on one of the days in takeyama (the mountain area). the sights were really pretty, except it was so cold that day that we were running back to the car. it actually snowed that day, which kind of caught everyone off guard, since it was mid-april by then.

i also feel very satisfied for the tokyo part of the trip cos we din't spend all our time in kbooks, tower records or animate anymore. got to see and try out a little bit more this time. tried umeshu, tried beard papa, went to karaoke, ate value meals as wong would put it. had way more productive shopping time as well cos we had portable wifi and data sims, so ppl can split up and do what they want so that we don't have to wait 4 hours for someone to finish finding their photobooks (no offense haha).

while there was a lot of ups in this trip for me, there was a lot of downs also. i don't want to put a damper to how much i enjoyed the trip, and also not to cause any offense to anyone cos in the end i blame myself the most for causing so much trouble during the trip.

basically the biggest mistake was not bringing my 21 day jr pass voucher, which meant that for the first few days, to accommodate me, plans had to be changed, travelling time increased, and we missed some parts of the itenary. it wasn't 100% my fault, but i admit that it was kind of a snowball effect cos of that mistake.

we missed train after train, close to 15% train missing rate. the worst feeling is when we run so hard only to miss it by a few seconds, which causes us to miss another train, which ultimately results in cutting off certain areas since there's no time le. in my opinion, we are pushing ourselves too hard to see stuff that can be missed. it's a vacation afterall, we should avoid stress and tight schedules and running. but since i'm partially the reason for all the plan changes, i din't give my opinion at that time.

i lost a lot of stuff too, like my wallet, and my 5-day pass, but at least those mistakes din't had that much negative impact on others, except for their mood and their trust in me. at some point i was blaming myself really hard, but i told myself to enjoy the trip as much as i could, and will try to make up for my mistakes afterwards.

im lucky that my parents also went to japan, gave me a little top up of my money and a replacement pass, as well as help me cool off from the negative feeling i've incurred from the start of the trip. which turned out well, cos the second half of the trip was much smoother and we stopped trying to push impossible itenaries as well.

so anyway, i learnt a lot of things about the rest during this trip. i'm not sure if they dislike me now, but i did try my best in the second half to make up for my mistakes. idk if i need to say this, but i'm not harbouring any negative feelings towards anyone. so instead of saying sorry, i'd say thank you, for accommodating me in this trip, and giving me a lot of fond memories as well as lessons to take away.

that's all for now ba. it was fun while it lasted haha. bye ~~

15 days

i guess u guys know what im referring to haha.

but to be honest, coming this far, it does not really feel like anything spectacular, no matter how much i may have looked forward to it in the past. its just the day where i will no longer need to go back to camp, no longer feel constrained by rules that are not just occasionally extremely brainless, and not having to do saikang and just stuff that i don't really want to do.

but of course, even if it doesn't feel like a really special event, it does feel good haha. i have finished my commitment ever since i came back from new zealand, and for this short moment i can almost do as i please until the date comes. to put it bluntly 'i am so done with this sh*t', but of course whatever issues that i have with ppl or things, i've already started to let go. so i can leave happily without having any grudges or dissatisfaction, not for other ppl's sake but really for my own.

~~~

so anyway, i've come a long way, and i can say this now because its gonna end, but army really wasn't a bad experience. of course im not going to sugarcoat my words, it is definitely not a pleasant process, and its not as beneficial as what some ppl say because there's seriously a lot of stupid things u need to do or obey here, for what i don't know, but just because that's the army way, or that the reason is above u, or whatever excuse they like to use that no one ever buys.

im pretty sure my battery (that's what u call a fighting unit for arty) was exploited in pretty much every way possible, from sea games/ndp, parades, local events, extra maintenance work/duties we do cos other ppl push it to us. and yea it did generate a lot of hatred. i wouldn't say that we are having it a lot harder than other ppl in different vocations, its probably quite similar everywhere. in a sense u really are serving the nation, or to put it bluntly, a soldier becomes the nation's dog for these 2 years.

i would think at least 50% of my battery really really hates it here, and as understandable as all that stress and angst is, it really is important not to let it consume u, but rather stay rational and don't do stupid things. i mean occasionally its funny, but some really bad shit can happen if u do stupid things.

~~~

since we are all forced to come here anyway, there really is stuff u can learn from the experience. i guess the main one would be how to endure tough/unpleasant times, both physically and mentally. that's quite duh haha. the next would probably be how to stand ur ground, to protect urself and not get exploited. because there are ppl who will do these things, and not just in army, but in the working world as well.

my school really was a more friendly and protected place to be in. not everyone is an angel but the majority really are decent people at heart. but step outside and that's where u need to learn how to deal with other people, how to say no under pressure or avoid following the bandwagon if they start doing mean things to others. i don't like unjustified hatred and discrimination, but unfortunately others seem to enjoy it, and u really need to know that there's a line u shouldn't cross.

it is ok and normal to be selfish, but u really need to know when to stop being a dick sometimes, not for other's sake but really for ur own. starting pointless arguments is really not going to make ur life any better, but being a decent and earnest person can get u through the tough times. on normal days, ppl might not be on friendly terms with u, but at times when u really need help, they will still help if they think that u have not wronged them or treated them unfairly.

also, i feel that learning to look past people's flaws is quite important. its hard to change people's impressions once a mistake is made. but personally, i have really hated some people from my battery in the past, and as i learnt how to tolerate while suppressing my dislike and hurt, i have seen the good side of the same people too, and ended up being able to interact with them, properly at the very least. there is usually a part of someone that is capable of being good/hardworking given the right environment.

don't tear down communications just cos u can't stand the way someone does things or the fact that they like to disturb others. or because someone keeps telling u that this person is xxx. ppl have the right to say what they want about others, but its important to judge a person with ur own eyes, and treat them fairly. don't hold grudges over just one small occasion where they dissed u cos they were having a bad day.

~~~

i kind of gone through a huge change to my character throughout these 2 years. when im around u guys im still the same old person, but in camp i did suffer and went through some hard times. i feel alone most of the time, mostly cos i never really had a very good friend in army, my personality just doesn't mix well with the general crowd. even still, i tried really hard, and from that, i also learnt when to stop trying, when something is important, or when u can close one eye and just finish it quickly.

i mean, being serious in army really seems like a stupid thing. for one most people will mock u, and secondly, there really are a lot of unimportant things. but what's important is the attitude. i do cut corners in areas, but there are times to joke and there are times to be serious. slacking in pt, or not bothering to clean properly is one thing, while dragging down other people due to one's selfishness/laziness and not cooperating when important events are going on is another. its what seperates a slacker from a real douche, and in the end deep down, everyone will treat an unpopular slacker with more respect than a popular douche. at least that is what i've come to realise.

~~~

but overall the most important takeaway of all this time is that i've learnt how to accept myself as a person. im someone with a slight inferiority complex, and there were times i tried convincing myself that i wasn't the one at fault, but ended up not believing it. being excluded does not mean that one is not good enough, there simply are things one can't control. i've learnt not to lie to myself, i know when something is my fault, even if my pride does not make me admit it. and its probably the same for anyone else, u simply can't lie to urself for ur own convenience. and that's why i can believe that im not a malicious or judgmental person, even if some people don't really like me, even if i have my flaws.

i know im occasionally lazy and selfish. and i have issues being punctual, and my self-control is pretty lacking haha. but i also believe that i can work hard when it is important or when im motivated. and i feel like i treat people fairly if not nicely. and i also feel really proud of the small things i have accomplished in these past 2 years. i wouldn't say that im a very confident person or that i've matured a lot, but i can trust my own judgement and values nowadays, and i also feel more hopeful for the future.

~~~

right now i feel pretty happy and satisfied with how things are going, though that's supposed to be a given haha, because i haven't even entered the realm of responsibility yet. i no longer feel like im weird for liking my anime and jap stuff, or spending so much time on the guitar, or my unusual choice of uni, even if other people judge me for it.

i feel like im doing things genuinely for my own sake, it takes priority over making others think better of me. so that i won't be swayed even if people say negative things, that i can believe i did well, even if the results aren't fantastic. i won't regret doing these things, because it has brought me much joy, or satisfaction through the challenge. im proud that i've improved this much, and even if others are better than me, it doesn't make me feel bad, because i'll learn new stuff from them and improve.

~~~

gonna wrap this rant up haha. its been really long and not consistent i know. there's just one thing that im really, really looking forward to now, and no it doesn't rhyme with armadillo. i only fully realised how eventful and fun the previous japan trip was after i came back and it always makes me get excited when i tell other people about it (especially those who share my obsession with japan :P). so im gonna go to japan once more and really, really enjoy myself, because i deserve a good long break after these two years haha.

ok that's all for now. bye ^^

Thanks guys

I had an unexpectedly good time today and yesterday. Ate a lot of good food, had a lot of laughs, so im able to fly off to nz on a good note. But i guess i need to explain the previous post lol.

To summarise what happened, the week din't go the way i hoped for. Thinking that the week would be very free since i was going to fly off soon, i thought about whether i could organise any outing to celebrate my 21st birthday. After all, alot of ppl make a big celebration or something on that date.

I told myself that actually it wasn't such a big deal. After all, I myself don't really remember or make big plans for anyone's birthday usually, so i tot that i shudn't expect too much from ppl either. But of course there were some things i wanted to do. Wanted to like hang out with the 07 gang for bbq or maybe go for all jap songs karaoke, eat some jap food etc.

I dint expect that they would rope me in for parade for arty commander from wed to fri. The days were like 5am wake up, reach jurong camp and train from 8am-7pm. It wad really tough and friday ended at 8pm, way later than i expected, so i booked out half dead from exhaustion. But surviving all that just made me look forward to the weekend more.

Went out for birthday dinner on saturday, which was pretty decent, after that walked around abit before going home. When i reached home i realised that i lost my wallet despite barely taking it out at all, only when i returned my dad money when he helped me change nzd.

It wasn't really a big deal, thinking back about it. But at that point of time i was quite upset. I thought my mum was blaming me again for all the trouble im causing, even though the way i lost it wasn't really my fault  I thought i wouldn't be able to retrieve it even though there was really only one place i could have left it. And i thought about how i had to go back to search, not find anything, and having to cancel all my plans, resettle everything in the one day i had left before flying for new zealand.

I tried to pretend like things dint matter but deep down i was actually quite easily hurt by how everything seem to go wrong. That it was my fault for being mean to ppl and careless all the time thats why these kind of things happen to me.

But by a stroke of luck, the next day my parents managed to contact the store and retrieve my wallet. Then after that i had a meal at pizza hut with the gang and went to pins house to play mahjong and talk nonsense the whole day.

It wasn't anything very extravagant but it made me really happy. I realized that my family cared for me in their clumsy way. Even if they are naggy, troublesome, annoying, they helped me without me asking anything from them. And even though it was just a simple meal and a mahjong session, i was realy glad that it dint get cancelled. That i could just chill, flame random ppl, be high and have fun.

I guess it sounds really cheesy and even though things dint turn out the way i wanted, i still had a lot of fun. So yea, thanks guys. I guess im to shy to show my appreciation to ppl directly but u guys probably know it anyway haha.

K la 10 more mins to fly off. There's always another time to go for a bbq or a karaoke session. Looking forward to come back already haha. Bye ~~

P.S. Why am i an akari lol. I thought i was closer to kyouko cos im quit3 retarded heheh.