luckily for me i spent the 2-3 weeks before term started to revise my java, cos the pace for it is honestly quite fast for ppl who have not learnt it before. i mean its still not anything greater than the basics (nested-for, methods, objects), but there's still a lot of things to learn. i guess i spend a lot of time trying to teach the other ppl in my group what works and what doesn't work haha.
idk why i have this feeling that i'm being suppressed though. i'm not sure whether its because i feel like i can't really fit in with some ppl, or whether its because i think i'm not good enough. it could be just my imagination, because when i'm in a group, i feel like i managed to be friendly with everyone, but when i'm not with them, i feel like i'm excluded or missing out on stuff, because no one really comes up to talk to me. so ya i feel kinda lonely cos of that.
i think part of the reason is cos i know close to nobody in this school, other than loo, whereas everyone else in nus can just crash each others rooms at night. and also cos everyone else in sum seems to dress better, or look fitter, or know what they're doing, whereas i'm kinda just floating around cos i'm not sure about anything. that's why even though i feel happy when ppl talk to me, i find it difficult to talk about myself because i subconsciously think that my opinions and my hobbies are like not as good as someone else's. maybe this is called an inferiority complex.
i haven't really shared with many other ppl that i'm into anime, or that i can speak jap, or that i like to play anime songs on guitar when ppl ask me what kind of song do i play or listen to. and that i want to go karaoke but i'm worried that i'll be too paiseh to sing the songs i want to sing. so ya, even though ppl generally think i'm nice, friendly, helpful, subconsciously i still feel like i'm just another acquaintance to others.
sorry for ranting haha. i guess i'm just lonely ba. i need to be more confident in myself :/
