last post of the year

it's this time of the year again lol.

so ya i feel like my personality has changed quite abit from last year. of course, i'm still this dumb, forgetful and annoying idiot (i'm sure many ppl have other things to add lol), yet somehow still managed to make a few good friends haha, and ya that will probably not ever change.

but ya i feel like i've become much more relaxed toward life, less uptight or dramatic or stressed, and it does feel quite good, though in some sense i'm like ignoring some greater part of life that someday i have to face. i definitely was lazier this year haha, partially due to much shorter school days (many might disagree). i feel like i've become more retarded, maybe cos i enjoy the responses i get from being retarded haha. somehow i'm laughing all this off, even though sometimes i realise that i shouldn't keep being such a retard either.

anyway, this year has been great actually. i've feel like i've let off some deadweight that has been holding me back and experienced lots of fun moments. lots and lots. i probably don't remember half of them, but i know there where plenty of moments where i laughed so hard my stomach hurt, and i think i caused many many occasions of public nuisance. u know those kind like u see and go 'who is this retard', but when ur actually involved everything seems understandable lol.

i feel the need to recap haha, even though i dont want to make it seem like certain events had more weightage than others. and also cos i end up listing so many things :0

anyway at the start of the year, i had many fun moments with my class, and with 05 too, cos for some reason i feel so familiar with them and they treat me nicely (i think). some of us initiated weekly rm, which lasted half a year, and it was quite fun when it lasted, though we ran out of ideas or din't act on them. either way, at least we tried to get it to happen.

got obsessed with mock karuta for awhile. shan't elaborate cos it sounded dumb to everyone except the few of us who played, or maybe only i dont think its dumb haha. had some moments practicing for talent search too lol. hardcore going to all sorts of studios to practice. it was quite interesting, but expensive, and ya i feel bad for doing the least work :0. then i had chalets, and my sep. it wasn't as amazing as i was hyped for, all that jap cramming and planning and thinking of what to buy back when in the end i din't get the time to do so. but looking back it was quite enjoyable and memorable.

the second half of the year was pretty damn free, or at least it felt like. cos i had so many outings omg. i felt like i went out more this year then the rest of my life combined. eating all sorts of stuff, buffets and whatnot. having outings to play soccer, or playing cards for the whole day, or only mahjong, shingeki, halo, making takoyaki, sleepovers, bbqs and so on. especially after exams ended. we hanged out so often that i din't feel like i graduated. we still hang out often actually.

but ya, we graduated, though to me it doesn't feel like a drastic change has occurred, like i thought it would when i was still in school. it does feel like there's a whole long list of history behind us though, and there were many moments where we would talk about epic fails that happened last time. there's quite a few people that i've come to know, but still the same bunch that somehow managed to stick together cos they are the most fun ppl to hang out with haha.

i wish i could somehow keep all the good memories though it is very easy to forget cos we keep making new ones. like my grad trip lol. there were lots of new experiences and stuff to remember, but in the end i din't feel like i've gone at all after i came back and had one outing. not that the trip was not amazing by itself, but i feel like i've already returned to normal cos i laughed so much yesterday. i do hope that things could stay this way, though ns and no school will probably make it much harder to keep in contact.

anyway, enough recap. now that there's no more school i kinda need to keep myself occupied i guess, in some sort of productive way. work probably is one, but at this moment now i feel like i want to try becoming serious about something that i really like to do.

i haven't given this much thought, but recently i've seen many things, like young ppl being able to do all sorts of amazing things. even the ppl in nus high, i think many of them have all sorts of hackz talents (some have multiple) like drawing, cooking, photog, performing music, computer stuff, etc etc. and then i realise im not so young anymore (even though i look like a 7 year old lol).

some ppl may compliment me occasionally, but really, i don't feel like i have anything much special about me, and actually it feels like people my age are supposed to be able to do like lots of things. i'm somewhat near my prime after all. i should be able to do much more after all tskkkk. like looking my age? or be at least decently fit like guys my age? earning money? thinking about society and stuff? idk actually, but i guess im not really prepared or bothered for some reason.

anyway, i think i know what i could possibly try getting better at. like anime. other than watching, i love the songs. i think i can imagine the melody better than when i actually listen to the thing haha. and i like the whole package in general haha. i could work on my japanese. or maybe get better at playing a certain instrument. i actually like each one of them, drums, piano, guitar. i'd like to sing of course, but i'm pretty damn amateur. but it was somewhat my dream to make some sort of anime band during uni haha. i know i'll be pretty damn satisfied if i could achieve that

i'm also pretty into games, cos i like doing all sorts of guai-lan things. ya im an addict and all sorts too lol, though even though i play so much (ok maybe not as much as i thought), i feel like im one of the noobest players out there lol. not comparing to the world of course, but even amongst ppl i know, im pretty scrub haha. even still, i think i could be interested in coding and stuff, or coming up with a game. im pretty excited about future gaming technology actually, virtual reality, holograms, all that cool stuff. i was actually thinking i don't mind working in that field, even though it sounds kinda risky haha.

the only thing that's stopping me is my laziness and procrastination though. frankly, i kinda want to get good at this things without putting in the effort, but that's not fair to those who do. i guess its cos i don't persevere long enough to get decently good, so i'm still pretty amateur in all of them.

but its abit demoralizing when u play for hours to try to play an anime song transcription but fail so bad. spam a jap app so i got all sorts of vocab memorized but still not really know how to respond to real life situations. thinking up drum beats but not knowing what to do when u actually get the chance. or coding, but facing all sorts of bugs.

so i hope that now that im free-er, i can get the motivation to put in the effort haha. i know i have an interest in these things so i should go all out. after all, i want to try to be at least able to do something a little bit special. probably some sort of inner desire haha. i guess that's as close to a new year's resolution as i can get lol.

k i think i've wrote more than enough already haha. it's one of the rare few times i feel like i've managed to express what im thinking so im pretty satisfied too heheh. so yea its one and a half hours before the new year. i should go watch the tv now. so yea. see u guys next year :D ~~