the year's end

this is probably the first time i felt so nonchalant about the new year coming haha. any interest i had shown for it last time was probably cos i wanted to get hyped up with other people, though now it doesn't really feel anything special. but as usual, i feel like reflecting about the year, like most people, cos it seems like an interesting thing to do haha.

maybe its cos the year has been pretty uneventful, and cos i dont really have anyone to celebrate with. army life is ok i guess, the tough and busy times are kind of over and i had quite a long break for this whole month. not really wanting to go back to that busy life next year in feb, but will manage somehow.

i miss those bright days i had in school, it was quite exciting, and as much as u think it may be routine, there was quite a lot of retarded and epic stuff that happened. this year though, i worked for three uneventful months, which was a very slack job to be honest, and i din't feel like i used my time properly. i guess army makes u feel like ur free time is very precious haha.

i don't really hate the army, though at the same time nothing really interesting would happen until these two years is over. maybe that's why i'm not really bothered with a new year starting haha. my life there is ok i guess. i somehow after many months managed to strike a balance, somewhat. i wasn't very well liked at first, and at some point i tried too hard to change that, and it didn't feel very good either cos it hurt when i realized i was still somewhat alone while everyone was forming their clicks.

back when we were in trade course and was quite busy, i din't really like some people there since they keep making this witty, sarcastic, non-cooperative comments. maybe it relieves their boredom and angst, but it makes me feel somewhat irritated. i would slack and choose to do the easier things in army if i can, but when there's no choice or use in delaying things, its better to just faster finish it and get it done with. i end up doing a little bit more than i have to, but i don't want to be a dick to other people. unfortunately, because i'm bad at reading situations, i can't click well with people and end up feeling like the outsider.

but after that i realised it didn't really matter so much, as long as i could get along with a select few, and i kinda like to have my own time to watch my anime, play my games and listen to my songs. and recently i have a lot of free time and i kinda got a little too comfortable, back to sleeping late again and being addicted to whatever im doing haha.

i miss my group of friends back in school for those fun times. i guess the new company in army just isn't as fun. sometimes it's quite fun though, when we play video games in the mess, talk about anime or joke around during the day, play dota together, though it can't really compare to how it was like back in school haha. though as everyone is moving on, it gets harder to maintain that level of closeness.

i guess i kinda lost my social skills due to army. i used to be quite influenced by what other people did and try to go with the flow, though nowadays im truer to myself and won't be influenced to do stuff i don't want so easily. idk if it's a good or bad thing haha, but it's a coping mechanism i guess. i think im becoming an even more boring person, a little less enthusiastic then before. but at the same time im becoming more into anime and jap stuff now haha, its like a mini source of pride for me, and i get quite excited when people talk to me about it.

idk what to look forward to this year, but i really want to get rid of my lack of awareness haha, or at least seem a little less blur than i usually do. i don't mind being joked at or having some candid moments but i don't want to give people a bad impression. if people don't like me from the go it's ok, but i don't want to make people im closer with get this unpleasant feeling when i screw something up. it's a reasonable new year's resolution i guess haha. and of cos as usual, i hope to have as much fun as possible in army lol. and patiently wait till uni comes and my life becomes more interesting again.

kk that's all for now. im going to turn 20 soon o.o. im not ready for this yet haha.