motivation to learn

when i first got my guitar i was pretty excited, even though i kind of bought it on a whim. at first it felt quite cool to be able to play a semblance of a song just by learning a few chords. even though it took quite a while to get used to it. but in the end there's not much feeling of achievement because just playing chords alone doesn't feel like ur really playing the song.

so i kind of spent countless unproductive hours on my guitar playing random stuff, feeling like i can't really play anything. tried all sorts of hard chords that the online tabs gave, but they din't make it sound that much better, and it made the song too hard to play. sometimes it made me feel like i wasted my time.

but im glad i stuck to it. its been 4 months and i guess i learnt quite a lot, taught myself a little theory on major and minor chords, barre chords, fingerstyle, etc. i finally managed to learn 4 to 5 relatively complete songs imo, which i'm honestly quite proud of haha. dat feeling when u finally finished making the tabs, and being able to play songs that u always wanted to play smoothly, even if its not perfect. of course i know im still far from good, cos i keep fumbling and playing the wrong notes or strings sometimes.

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same went for me when i was learning jap. i kinda burnt a lot of time reading tae kim's guide (this app that taught me almost everything i know), and also trying to figure out song lyrics on my own. even tried to read light novels and mangas in jap (turned out to be too troublesome to be fun haha). 

i procrastinated alot, though occasionally i get this sudden urge and motivation to learn more. such as when i was going to my exchange trip in japan. i wanted to be able to speak to my buddy more, as well as understand and enjoy my experience there. i guess that was my original aim in learning the language.

but after starting to learn it, i realize that i found it fun. it wasn't fun all the time, like when i tried reading the guide, i still felt lazy to read the whole wall of text. or just repeating those vocab quizzes over and over till i got better. idk why i mindlessly went to do all these things just for the sake of doing them. 

but it was rewarding in the end. like when i realized i could understand basic conversations that i happen to hear, in real life or in anime. or when lyrics started meaning more because i finally understood what they meant. or when im able to read the jap words in some products. even though in the end im still unable to understand a lot of things anyway, especially when i went to japan, it still gives me a little sense of achievement.

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i guess my point is that these two things are things that i really like to do, and has somewhat become a part of me now, especially seeing how far i have come just by self-learning, doing it at my own pace. i probably have a lot of things to say about them, and it really makes me excited when i get a chance to use what i have learnt.

probably explains why i got really hyped up after taking the n3 test, which i found quite fun. or when ppl invite me to karaoke to sing jap songs haha. and it is also why i really want to join a band again, so that i can play all those jap songs that i like, as well as put all these things i learned to use. but its kinda unfortunate that i don't really have anyone to talk with about these things though. not that there isn't anyone doing it, but it's kind of an awkward topic to bring up because no one really seems interested.

i have a lot of things i want to talk about, like how i want to form a band after watching k-on, or like how i felt inspired to learn jap again cos i took the n3 test last week, but i've been keeping all these thoughts to myself, cos there's no one for me to share these ideas with without probably boring them.

so ya in the end it boils down to me feeling lonely cos no one else is doing it with me D:

right now, im trying to learn how to play 4 to 5 more songs on my playlist that i really like, and i do find it fun, but up spending a lot of unproductive time, and sometimes i wonder why im doing it, i end up procrastinating quite a lot also because sometimes i get stuck when i can't think of the correct chord or why it just doesn't sound right. and im kinda worried that i'd stagnate or lose motivation cos i haven't been learning anything new for quite a while already.

that's why it'll be really nice if there was anyone who could teach me new stuff, or try learning or doing something new, like learning electric, forming a band etc. its just some really huge desire of mine to just try something special, cos otherwise life would be boring if i don't do anything. it'll probably take a lot of effort, but if there was someone else who wanted to try making a band with me, it'll give me a lot more motivation to learn, as well as make me feel very fulfilled.

maybe i should take courses, cos it's probably the easiest way to go if i wanted to improve, but as usual its about the $$$ and committing my precious weekend time (that i usually just waste anyway lol). that electric is not cheap (~$500), and neither is the courses too ($380 for 12 lesssons). i just ain't decisive enough to make a decision, so helppp >.<

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ok la but things aside, recently life's been pretty good. taking my offs every monday, enjoying short weeks, and recently being going out quite a bit too. so yea i guess i'll end this long wall of text now :P. idk if anyone got what i was trying to say though haha. kk that's all for now, bye ~~