recovery

just went to katong to eat chicken rice for lunch today. feeling rather good now :D

anyway, this week was rather eventful as well. there was youth day holiday, carrer day, class outing, and some random fire drill on friday lololz. i think i need about two posts to cover everything.

was abit silent this week. i felt like i was being the most boring person ever. alot of ppl tried to talk to me, but i must seemed like i dao-ed everything. i was really trying to talk too, but struggling to think about what to say.

ever since i came back from the holidays, i've been feeling quite different from what i used to. its like when anything happens, i no longer seem to think much about it, but just simply accept it. like when the first 12 ppl in my class have to go for some aesthetic program next monday. most ppl will sigh and say its like some waste of time and they wanted to sleep or something, but i dont really feel this way. and thus i cant seem to make some sort of comment when ppl talk to me about it.

its like ive lost all my personal views about things. my playfulness and rebelliousness seems to have diminished, but now i want it back again. cos ive become so boring these days.

of course i tried to do something about it. i followed ppl around during their breaks, and tried to join in the conversations, but usually all i do is listen to ppl talk about stuff. like hearing them talk about some interesting thing they've heard or making some lame joke and disturbing ppl. or talking about what they are pissed about. it seems like other than me, nobody else seems to have any problem finding stuff to talk about.

of course ppl did try to talk to me, since i was there to listen anyway. but i couldnt think of anything to say. i felt quite bad for making ppl so uncomfortable, cos its like they tried to talk to me, like for example when we're eating, but then i dont say anything. so it just ends up as awkward silence. all i do is laugh at other ppl's conversations but i dont seem to be making much conversation myself.

so yea i need to get my fun back. im not very good at anything specific, but i feel like ive always wanted to have fun. so yea felt quite empty when i suddenly couldn't make conversations. but yea today was kinda refreshing cos i think i found out how im going to get my enthusiasm with being around ppl back.

i need to argue more :P, like i did with my mum today haha. was quite random actually, cos my mum keep trying to persuade me to do IT, and i was trying to stick with engineering even though i might regret it, but i dont feel like i would.

i know this is quite weird, but the point is, even though i did get a bit pissed, but without realising it, i was thinking and making conversation again. and its those kind of harmless arguments, since my anger tolerance was much higher than before. probably one year back id start being rebellious on purpose, but i dont feel that way now. in fact i actually felt kinda happy that we did argue lolz.

so yea, i need to get used to go around disturbing ppl again. like i used to last time :P. get abit of that harmless playfulness back. i want to be interesting again. to feel like myself again, just like how i was towards the end of last term. to have as much fun as possible :D

ok this has been a rather long post again lololz. still got class outing to post about, as well as all the random funny stuff that happen over this week. bye~~

but even if i dont get it in the end, everything would still be worth it