being male

haha this is going to be such a random post. cos i have nothing better to do :P. so yea sometimes i feel like i dont really want to be a guy.

its not like im gay or something. im straight, somewhat XD. its just that i dont really like the concept of being masculine haha. doesnt really fit my personality. first thing, guys are supposed to be strong, sturdy, buff. but all i really want is to be light and smooth and fast. but then for the sake of NAPFA and NS, we have to train up physical strength. muscles. tskkk. i cant even do 25 push-ups without my shoulders hurting for the next 2 days lolz.

secondly, guys cant do 'beautiful' stuff. it just seems really awkward and embarrassing. its not like we like to act cute or something. but even singing or dancing can seem so awkward tskkk. its like we cannot really enjoy those stuff. i know there's hip-hop and all that, requiring lots of strength and all, but it doesnt really appeal to me cos its so hardy and rough. yea la it looks really cool, but its more of physical strength liao, something i cant do. i like acrobatics though, like able to backflip and all that heheh.

and sometimes i wish my voice could be higher so that it can sound more like the songs im listening too, cos almost 95% are for females tskk. my voice just sounds so shity and low compared to that. so yea i tried to breach that by learning how to whistle haha. it allows me to go one octave higher, so i could try to match the voice in my head that remembers all this song. but yea whistling isnt really a skill anyway, so yea. heck ill just use it for the sake of my own engrossment lololz.

and finally, guys keep have to have some coolness or something, to show they're in control or blablah. don't really like this u know. its like girls have the freedom to do many things, and no one would say anything cos they're girls, but guys ah. 'that's not cool' or whatever nonsense reasoning. are we really supposed to be so much different from girls? we're still human after all.

ok its not like i do all those stuff, but there's always this mental block when you really want to do something but ur scared of all those attention and that weird looks ppl give u. or maybe i simply have no guts haha. but seriously man, whats with all these random barriers that prevent u from doing things? ~~sigh~~

haha ok i know being a girl has its own inconveniences and all, and im not going to do anything drastic like change my gender, so haiz i guess i just got to accept that im a guy lololz.

and ha i still have one more angel beats episode here heheh. kudos for self-control :D. but damn this sem i really have so many things i want to do. i want to learn jap, watch those anime's that are really good and make me so engrossed, and i also might want to learn how to play these songs on piano, or sing them, instead of just whistling, though that requires my jap to improve.

and yet this sem have to work on ARP and my chinese A-level, which i have a small concern about. sigh why dint i come to my senses earlier D:? i could be halfway there already if i had been more serious in learning jap... ah well. i think my gaming addiction has been reduced cos of all these new things i picked up this year.

need do some darn english research work by tonight that'll eat up 2h, and maybe ill push mock oral preparation to monday(thank god for youth day holiday). so i get more time i need to entertain myself. i want to learn abit of jap today too. and maybe next time i shud watch more real-life jap shows. ah god time why u so precious?

and yet it is so easy to waste. cos like i can spend 2+ hr in finding out more about another anime to watch or blah blah. i can also waste 2+ hr trying to do work early, cos initiating work is always so freaking less efficient then when ur stressed out to finish it by tmr. so yea i'll use that as an excuse to slack today :D. ok nothing much to say liao. bye~~

and there's always the few things im so happy that i ever did them