the big things this year for me was hostel, where i got really close to some people. i also saw and tried out alot of new things, and i came to realise many wonderful things that i never knew about. i guess my life's pretty boring, cos right now all i can think of is me learning jap and watching anime though.
anyway, i went to look at myself one year ago, starting from december 2011. and i realised how shameless i was :P. i was also really hyper last time, to the point of being irritating haha. i was really excited about hostel, or any outing i was going to have. and i just talked about things without really thinking about whether it was interesting to others or not.
i like to think that every year i change for the better, though i think there were some things i could do in the past that i can't do now. i know i've become less lively and enthusiasm kinda died down, though i think im still pretty positive about things. im just slightly worried that ppl liked me better last time, cos even though i was irritating, maybe i had been more interesting.
one of the things i told myself last time was not to cause other people trouble. like for example, i knew i din't really care for my acads and stuff, so if its my own thing, i can screw myself up and that's ok, as long as i din't affect other ppl, like during project work. reason was simply cos i didn't want other ppl to hate me.
but i kinda failed at this really badly. im always making mistakes, losing my stuff, forgetting things, saying the wrong things, and yet always there's someone to back me up. i know i keep causing trouble, and i don't really need to emphasize this, cos i think everyone kinda knows.
deep down, i knew i was pretty much useless when it comes to important things. i can't give much help, cos i don't know what to do, cos im afraid to take action, cos i always cause some problem here or there. i felt this in orientation camp, and many other times before too. its quite a nasty feeling, cos in that short period of time, i realised that after awhile, everyone realises that i can't be given any important tasks too.
i know the reason for this though. its because im really just too absorbed in my own world and thoughts to take notice of things happening around me. maybe its because i have this things done for me. maybe its because i din't work for my things, so i ended up not taking care of them. i don't take care of my own stuff, and sometimes i simply don't think about the stuff that im doing, or will need to do later on.
but other people bother about their things. and there has been many times i've damaged or not take proper care of other ppl's things or forget to help them do something, and made them angry. and my own things too. my parents always scold me for losing my stuff, or damaging the things they entrusted to me.
so by now, there are so many things that ppl tell me to take note of, because they know if they din't, i may screw something up later. its something i became used to, but sometimes i feel upset or angry because of it. i tell myself to deal with this, that its no one's fault that they are wary of my mistakes. because after i eat some of this crap and suffer a bit, eventually i would learn to stop doing these things.
i feel like its a bit unfair, cos i don't feel like i was doing anything wrong, but cos of my carelessness and things, alot of problems happen. its always when im in the midst of doing something nice when something catches me off guard, and it turns out to be my fault. its quite dumb to make ppl dislike me just cos of this.
so i hope i can change. i know how difficult this is for me, cos i'm unable to be to harsh on myself. i still like being the carefree, lax person i am. i like being in my own world and stuff. i like playing my games and watching anime. there are times im lazy, impatient, or can't be bothered to do certain menial things. so there's no excuse for that.
i just hope that maybe one day, i can slowly change to become someone to be dependable, or maybe just at least not make everyone have to look out for me, to cause trouble for others. hope i can be more livelier too, just like last time, except not talk and talk while no one is caring lol. also try to be kinder and more pleasant.
afterall, i just want to enjoy the rest of my school days, and it'll be really great if i can stop causing problems so that people would stop minding me and leaving me out. for me, it'll take many more mistakes, and it'll keep repeating and repeating, but one day, i hope i can stop being so blur. look after my things and other people's things. not be late anymore.
also, i'll try my best to be able to reach N3 level for jap :D, so that i can talk to my exchange buddies. and i hope this year would be great, and everyone can have fun for this last year of school we have.
ok la orientation starts tmr. after the camp, which was kind of halfway for me, it ended in a pretty high note, and im quite hyped up for it haha. for all my duty allocations, three times i got stationmaster lol. but now i might have to control sound effects for the finale, and more. -welp-. i hope it goes smoothly lol. i already hoped for so much stuff this year haha.
ok enough alr la. bye~~
in the end, i still felt a shock when it actually happened
i feel like its a bit unfair, cos i don't feel like i was doing anything wrong, but cos of my carelessness and things, alot of problems happen. its always when im in the midst of doing something nice when something catches me off guard, and it turns out to be my fault. its quite dumb to make ppl dislike me just cos of this.
so i hope i can change. i know how difficult this is for me, cos i'm unable to be to harsh on myself. i still like being the carefree, lax person i am. i like being in my own world and stuff. i like playing my games and watching anime. there are times im lazy, impatient, or can't be bothered to do certain menial things. so there's no excuse for that.
i just hope that maybe one day, i can slowly change to become someone to be dependable, or maybe just at least not make everyone have to look out for me, to cause trouble for others. hope i can be more livelier too, just like last time, except not talk and talk while no one is caring lol. also try to be kinder and more pleasant.
afterall, i just want to enjoy the rest of my school days, and it'll be really great if i can stop causing problems so that people would stop minding me and leaving me out. for me, it'll take many more mistakes, and it'll keep repeating and repeating, but one day, i hope i can stop being so blur. look after my things and other people's things. not be late anymore.
also, i'll try my best to be able to reach N3 level for jap :D, so that i can talk to my exchange buddies. and i hope this year would be great, and everyone can have fun for this last year of school we have.
ok la orientation starts tmr. after the camp, which was kind of halfway for me, it ended in a pretty high note, and im quite hyped up for it haha. for all my duty allocations, three times i got stationmaster lol. but now i might have to control sound effects for the finale, and more. -welp-. i hope it goes smoothly lol. i already hoped for so much stuff this year haha.
ok enough alr la. bye~~
in the end, i still felt a shock when it actually happened
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