shocking new revelation

so ya i have a very shocking revelation to make, especially for the ppl who know me, but before that, i want to re introduce a few things.

so over the past 2 months, the ppl i know and ppl who know me have probably tripled. my definition of know is quite different, cos these are ppl that i spent substantial time with or at least enough to cross that line of stranger.

ya im not joking, its abt triple now. but that's not the shocking revelation. its probably common for nsmen. but for me its a huge makeover for the ppl i know now. so im like going to reintroduce myself.

im kind of a jc kid, in army terms, but that's not really true. my sch is quite different in the sense that its 6 years, small cohort, and i dint have to take a levels. so i had quite an easy life, even though acads were conceptually hard. im not as smart as u think, in fact ppl who know me know im a blur cock, and in army im still a kanchiong spider, always panicking. its not so bad now, and im given a chance (thankfully) to start anew and i feel like im quite well off now. im glad i ended up as a men in arty, mentioned in my previous post.

but anyway, my point is that before these two months, im the low profile guy (except internally quite known for being blur). my first true friends i made in sec 3, where i started trying to fit in since i dint really had friends before. and these are ppl i have stuck with for all the way till now, through hostel and many memories.

my point is that till before army i only had 10-20 friends past the good friends line, and they are like super impt to me since they are essentially my first few true friends (not technically but ya).

so the whole point of saying this is only those ppl who know me know of this site, so i write as if im talking to them (or u basically). if ur here at this point of time, ur either them, or u somehow found the super few links that exist here.

idk what interested any good stalking to come here, since im not active on social media and not the kind to promote my blog or aim for many hits and likes. i don't insta la basically, but i do abit of stalking nowadays cos there's a lotttt of interesting ppl ive met. even my sergeants im curious as to how they've changed.

anyway, i will try to talk like before, but my mentality has did a 3600 degree already. compared to my first post i have come a longggg way. don't read it i find it freaking embarrassing now. alot of my previous post also make me sound like a retard haha. yes im embarassed abt the plenty of unglamorous stuff i did before, but i think im relatively guai ah, still haven't done things like partying clubbing or drinking that kind. quite an excessive but amateur gamer. like to watch anime and running man too haha.

if u haven't met me in a long time, im much more talkative now, only around ppl im comfortable with though. in army i learnt how to get familiar with ppl, and i know how to not alienate ppl, if the conditions are right. like i said, im a kanchiong spider so i make mistakes like nobody's business, like i take something in a rush and leave another thing there. that's essentially how my bmt went lol.

but ya i have changed from being awkward to even speak up to now being able to ask all sorts of questions, even the seemingly obvious and stupid one's i dare to ask alr. but im not an attention seeker, i don't really like to stand out externally, just trying to be friendly with ppl im close or comfortable with.

idk what started the change, but it was an important adaptation cos it help me speak out and get my shit together. im somehow gained the confidence to open up to ppl, and i guess having stories to tell and knowledge to share helps a lot in becoming more interesting. i like to think that from being a teenager, im always trying to improve myself to become a more likeable and fun-loving person, though i was slightly outcasted last time because im not a nice person to be in a team with (due to all the screwups), but just someone nice to talk to.

i kind of know my purpose in ns now, which is to become like my parent's essentially. its a very good opportunity in ns since its two years, and even if im just a men, there is time to get my shit together, be more capable, stop running away from problems, and learn how to solve and handle basic things. i kind of want to keep my personality though, it has made me very good friends so far.

ok enough chatterboxing. the shocking revelation is that, i go to church now. for those who know me, u must be going "Holy fkkk!!", or maybe it dint surprise u at all. im not saying im atheist before, or im all holy and religious now, its a slow thing. but its fun i got to admit. and im no longer afraid to say i go church now lest people judge me. there's a lot of justification to it.

anyway, it started with me helping my section mate do his bic, cos they needed another person to do twice. it wasn't supposed to be me at first, but i took it for him anyway, since i found the experience interesting even though it was shagggg. long story short it ended up with him introducing me to church, which i at that point considered as a outing, an activity i never tried before.

it ended up with me crying on the first preaching. it was more serious of a lesson that day. i cried cos all my life i have felt the issue of not being confident enough to put myself in the middle, always restraining myself because i felt inferior to the rest. very true in bmt, i always felt that stress in me, long before. except in front of those 10+ close friends i made in high school.

i felt the healing effect of crying it out and daring to show weakness in front of everybody. it was a holy place after all, one where u bare ur soul and try not to feel ashamed. and then i made a decision to convert. actually it was more of accept, and of cos i dint have an actual clear concept of what i was doing yet, just a kind of commitment to this interesting experience and i will try it again.

today is just the second time i came, and at first i was still not very sure if church is the thing for me, but today was a great session, seriously. its like god has some invisible eyes and the timing of the lesson was exactly what i was reflecting about how i've changed. it does feel like something is done to ur soul, like opening u up and making u feel more accepted and willing to share weakness.

ok this must be pretty cheesy to my sceptical-about religion friends. pls don't judge me, i won't try to pull u in either. but it is a especially good source of motivation to nsmen. u need some purpose and also for me it gave me a bit more confidence, which i really needed, and helped me start anew on a good note. and i do feel freaking lucky to end up in arty, it really suits me i think.

i know i might have adapted anywhere, but nvr before had i have such a concrete idea of why i needed to serve ns and what i shud try to achieve, and if i think abt it, its actually quite miraculous. its not hard to believe i was blessed with such compatibility in my unit and now i actually hope i can do well and have fun in ns. it is so much more bearable than bmt. the experiences i've had to this point feels pre-planned, so of cos im slowly starting to believe that holy crap, something is actually helping me shape my life well haha.

i seriously wont pull u in, tbh im still not fully convinced god exists, i don't get all those visions yet. but i have accepted that something wondrous is happening and its helping me grow into the adult i want to be. and its seriously relatable to ns. like how ns feels like a place for me to become the adult, and suddenly my path is clearer like nvr before. like all i need to do is follow and have faith it will bring me to my dream life.

i have a concrete goal that i have never had before, and i just feel like sharing it. im slowly changing, now i have a few more ppl to whatsapp to and tell ppl things i have never tried saying before. its fun and good, that's why im sharing it.

so ya, im supposed to believe i have a destiny, and i will surely achieve my dream, just need to believe im perfect for my destiny, i will achieve it no matter what happens, and my future is bright. its such a good thing to believe in right? gives me assurance that i will succeed. like how running a 10:34 has made me feel like i have no probs with running. im a light, agile person that can become quite strong. and how surviving 24km and kestrel makes me believe anything less harder i will be able to bear it. its like a lifesaver attitude for ns, which is supposedly hated by many. 

i feel im lucky, and i hope i can achieve my dream in the future, together with all this nice ppl who bothered to help me understand this. so much change in 2 months. how to not believe im being blessed u tell me lol.

but guys don't worry im still the same old dion u can bully and joke with. i hope this doesn't change my past friendships but i hope to make new good friends too. life is going quite well if u ask me. i hope i improve la basically.

ok la that's alot of important info i just shared. like really quite personal inner thoughts. that's all for now. i've really become a chatterbox haha. anyway, bye~~. maybe this blog will spring to life again and more ppl may come closer to me enough to find this page haha. i won't advertise abt it don't worry. not that shameless. yet. haha

1st week in arty

so im back in action after almost 1 week of unbearable sickness (during block leave somemore wtf), i think it might have been a borderline dengue case or maybe really just fatigue from 24km march (probably the singlemost hardest but feelgood thing in my life). but anyway that's over, got posted to 21 Singapore Artillery and resume NS life. i'm really lucky i guess, it's a very suitable place for me imo (maybe armour would have been more fun).

anyway, the 1st week in a unit is always quite different from what one will expect. i guess i found out alot of new things about how army is like. bmt is like a frog's well, i dint know shit in there, and its kinda secluded by itself there. but now u have friends everywhere, and also section mates, who know other section mates and stuff. its like a network of alot of knowledge about what other ppl do, and u end up getting a much better understanding of the whole army in general.

by the way, im now an arty operator, taking a 2 months course where i will learn how to drive and load ammo. its abit hectic for now (though nothing compared to chiong sua infantry like jookee). no more route march and infanteering for ns liao woohooo :DD. at the start i did feel slightly disappointed for not making scs and i will not be able to do alot of things as well as receive the recruit life more. but now i feel like its a good thing to be a men (more suited for my personality). also, i will get my LCP rank soon i think, cos my course is short-er(compared to so many others, but its still a fkload of information overload), and my fitness is medium to good in this unit. so awwwyeaahhhhh LCP haha.

there's alot of improvement to life, time efficiency and stuff, but at the same time, certain things are more focused. in my unit, marching and stand by bed and basically soldier discipline really must be sui sui, they dont let u off for it. but at the same time punishment is much more bearable, its really just push-ups and stuff meant to make u more buff, and they dont scold u like they do in bmt (or maybe just kestrel). but i have to thank kestrel for a bmt that changed my mind to be able to take any sort of scolding and still be able to smile lolol. it was fun there.

i kinda like our sergeants, we really have to work with them closely liao, they are kinda like our seniors who take responsibility if we screw up, but really, when we do anything with the tank gun (i must call it a gun, and i got knocked down 60 times already for calling it the wrong thing), sometimes we support the same heavy part while others move certain things, so ya, they will become our good seniors (kind of abit like in anime).

anywayyy i digress. its not the kind of lepak life u might expect, there's 5km runs very often now, and also a much more vigorous pt than i expected (still less shaggg than bmt for now) but it is very much more bearable. the rnd (regimentation and discipline) is quite a pain in the ass, but unlike bmt, u have a LOT of time here to slowly improve. definitely much less stress in the mind. i kinda eff-up much less now, thanks to kestrel, but as always im the blur cock there. but i manage to do my stuff properly liao, just still a kanchiong spider when problems arise.

it takes quite a bit of self control to do my stuff properly, which im kind of more motivated to be now. here the sergeant major at first impression seems like an annoying person who will give u alot of trouble, but in actual fact the more i hear him talk to us, the more i like him. they encourage us to be honest here (not lie in bmt straight to the face im not shag, im not sleepy etc.), and he really talks like he knows exactly how we feel. and there's a culture of encouragement here, even though we don't perform half as well physically like in bmt.

i think i can talk on forever, at least for this month, about all the new stuff that changed this week. but its a very suitable place for me. lessons in garage (6-8 hrs everyday), its sian yes, but i learn alot of things about a car this week (engine, cooling system, track and suspension). its a bit like engineering lessons in a garage in army. alot of ppl sleep yes, but they let u stand up, eat sweets, basically u feel like the sergeants allow u to feel these things cos they gone through the same thing. its a very strong source of motivation, cos u feel like they understand u. just don't effing sleep, the whole group will knock it down la. (understandable though)

i feel like i use a lot more thinking here, plus the ppl here are nicer (maybe just my bunk). group is smaller, but they are all quite similar to me, quite chill on the inside, fitness so-so, all gamers (even the sergeant haha), some jokers also. very friendly easygoing ppl de. at first we were all totally quiet at night, but now we keep talking about interests and stuff. it seems like its going to be a very fun place la. which is like the number 1 thing i was looking for. lessons are interesting (to me at least), i hope to be proficient in everything related to it.

the shit here is damn damn heavy though, and im going to have alot of problems. in essence the SSPH1 (s'pore self-propelled howitzer, sounds cool, no?) is a very accurate cannon that is able to move, so its offensive by nature. but in essence its a gigantic gun mounted on a tank. that's why i made mistake call it tank 3 times liao, the only guy to get caught some more lol. maybe cos im quite active in lesson, i find it fun to learn, but i get knockdown for asking questions o.o.

anyway, the thing is freaking big, probably one of the biggest tank-like vehicles for NSF to handle. its as big as a tonner la, but the parts are aluminium coated steel, and its 14 tons (tonner is about 6). and fk, every small panel is like 10kg, access doors and parts can go up to 200kg to a few tons. its freaking easy to kiap ur finger or hand if u drop anything, if anything hits ur head ur kinda fked. and i cant even do the signal set properly lol (thank goodness its a sergeant role), but its still gonna be tough on me.

i think i'll do well on theory and maintenance though. i kinda the most tolerant to feeling disgusted by grease and stuff. i dont mind getting dirty, i actually find it cool u need like 4 ppl to do everything, cos really there's a sense of teamwork in everything. i want to learn how to drive soon yea. 165cm driving a 14 kg vehicle siol. the freaking ammo (some gigantic bullet with 900 times more base area than our rifle bullet) is 42 fking kg, and we have to do obstacle course with it. hong gan liao lor lolol.

anyway, i will speak forever if u let me carry on, but i get the feeling i will enjoy and remember the next 2 months of course time, and after that life will be much more comfortable heheh. im damn lucky to be posted to arty imo, ppl are nice and stuff. they said u need a goal to serve, and i kinda have something forming in my mind liao. u know how the csm always seems so mature and stuff? they feel very adult-ish to me, so my goal is to kinda transform to an adult within this 2 years.

of course i want to keep my fun-loving nature, i also want to keep my goal of having some dream job related to virtual reality (which is showing up a LOT within this past few months). i kinda want to build a almost fully immersive virtual reality system (or at least be part of a team doing that, my dream job), though it feels like going at my rate of being quite lazy, i might not do as well in uni as i thought.

its like a minor mid-life crisis also, so ya i hope army can turn me into like my parents la. able to endure shit and carry on doing something, don't like avoid doing stuff just cos i hate it (which i still do quite often), and become like my parents basically, be in charge of a bit, have some dream job, which i really starting to have ideas about already. they said don't waste 2 years in army la, so i hope i can achieve that.

so what if i'm just a lowly men man? (no pun intended). just do my shit properly, be an expert in gun matters, and take away alot from NS. i mean i still feel sian about that place la, but there's alot to take away (except being anal in rnd, its quite a bitch). have fun in army, and in uni also, and get that dream job. i really want it heh.

k la so damn long post, time to stop le. bye~~

24 clicks to POP

finally passed out today. actually i passed out two times, one during the morning after that super tiring march, then another time when i reached home lol.

anyway, if u asked me just casually how army is like, especially since ppl know im from kestrel, i can't really describe it. fun? shiong? its kinda a mix of both, but actually that's still not a very good way to describe how it was like for me.

the last time i blogged, i was pretty demoralised about coping with army cos my physical was so bad i took atten c twice in the first 3 weeks. but after tanking through field camp and many different activities that everyone was like struggling through, slowly i realised that actually i was able to march and do the same stuff after all, just that i was complaining too much. IPPT and SOC that one if ur not fit cant do very well la, but for the rest, it really is up to ur own mind and perseverance.

anyway, after field camp, there were actually many fun times among the shit we had to do and endure through. i feel like my platoon is quite fun to be in, and that our batch probably was one of the most entertaining ones in kestrel history haha. we made lots of effed up songs, imitate the commanders during OC night, and did lots of guai lan stuff la. though its probably very difficult to explain the jokes to anyone else not in the coy.

as for kestrel being shiong, yes it is, but then when i look at some things other companies do, i feel like maybe we're not that shiong after all, even though ppl from other coys tell us that we are. maybe we got brainwashed or something, tekan so much until don't even know we are getting tekan. but to be honest though, i probably din't have a very hard time in kestrel after all. i can safely say that all the other kestrel warriors really have their standard up there. i guess i did put in a lot of effort, as compared to like my whole life before, though i probably din't work half as hard as so many others in my section. 

my section is quite ok la. they covered my ass many times, are quite highly motivated also. but i feel like it wasn't as fun as the other sections in my platoon, maybe that's why i enjoyed interacting with ppl outside my section, sometimes outside my platoon also. it has always been like that though, same like in school. im quite a troublesome person, so maybe the less ppl are forced to do stuff with me, the better i can talk to them

yea i caused quite alot of problems for my section, such that at some point whenever i said something slightly weird (im not good at phrasing my ideas), i get alot of disagreeing comments and stuff, abit like how we usually speak to hema lol. yea maybe i was the hema of my section

at some point i did some funny things, so i usually wasn't excluded from the fun stuff, just that ppl dont talk to me as often as the others. its kind of like fun and not fun at the same time haha. mostly ppl din't dislike me cos of my personality, but mostly cos i was blur, screwed up shit, and said things in weird ways. so slowly i got accepted, even though they still treat me like a hema haha. 

towards the end, almost everyday something epic or retarded would happen in the coy. recruits night, oc night and all that was quite fun. and everyone started being more lax and finally talking more openly. it felt very very similar feeling to how school was like before we graduated, and then we all just start making all sorts of retarded jokes and pulling retarded stunts. yea i still do my super cold jokes in army. the reaction of everyone is still the same haha.

then finally came the route march. it was fking, fking tough for me, even though i slowly got better at march. i was quite optimistic at first, but it wasn't like the same old marches before where we can laugh and sing, be shag at the end, but sleep well on a bed at the end of the day. this march started off nice, with like changing scenery, then slowly it began to drag, and u feel like u suffered alot even though it was just 3km at a time.

din't sing much for this route march, but at least thankfully there were ppl talking around me, cos i wasn't very keen on talking when my shoulder felt like something was pressing in. but we tahan the pain for awhile, it went away, and just left a dull numbing ache that seemed to amplify just before we reach our rest point. many times i got annoyed and thought it was impossible that we haven't hit 3km yet, that they cheated us of the actual distance we had to march (even though now that i think about it, they have no point in making us suffer).

the changi road was quite bad. it was featureless and dragged on for so long, but at least i still had my energy and i din't feel so demoralised. then came the whole stretch of ecp, where we just slowly marched from area G all the way to the end of area B, and damn that one felt so long and tiring. we couldn't even go to the toilet sometimes cos the queue was so long, and the rest never felt enough. lastly, was the marina stretch. it was where all the pain came in, all the irritation in everyone started to come out, but because we could see the flyer slowly becoming bigger, we all had the mentality to just tahan, and tried to throw in one or two effed up songs that gave us abit more energy.

the most shiok part was when we reaced the highway of rochor road, the moon was damn pretty, the flyer and everything was damn pretty. and we could see the platform just directly ahead and below of us. i was kinda limping by then, cos my left leg was feeling quite weak. then we reached and had like very little time to eat and prepare our stuff before we have to move off again, right under the platform. there everyone just crashed cos it was so uncomfortable and tired.

when i woke up, the sky was suddenly much brighter, and then suddenly there's this POP energy u could see in everyone. there was quite alot of hype, and this parade was so different from the 7 rehearsals we did in tekong. then when it was time to throw the cap, i almost couldn't believe that i made it to that point, that i can actually throw my cap for real now. it felt really amazing to get to throw the cap haha. and that my BMT is now complete.

its a little bit sad to go though, even though i won't really miss my section as much as they would miss each other. but still, there were many fun times and i also quite liked our commanders, they were very interesting ppl after all. but of cos when there's one week of block leave in front of you, you'll just think that eff yea, time to celebrate haha. idrc what kind of posting i get next friday, but i feel quite proud that i completed BMT and it'll be quite a memorable thing for me to talk abou in years to come.

three weeks in army

i probably set a few records in my three weeks in army. maybe my body's too weak or something, but i got a 3-day light duty, and 2 attend C (aka MC, rest at home) in just this 3 weeks. i don't even know if my body is trying to keng or not, but it doesn't feel like i intentionally did it

when i first entered, i was somewhat excited actually. got shaved, screamed at quite alot in the first 3 days for being too slow, tekan-ed quite alot too, but it was somewhat different and entertaining in a sense. i found that my section and platoon mates were friendly, even though i ended up in kestrel, which was like damn shiong or something. 

at first it din't feel like it was a shiong company, we had admin time, time to rest and stuff. so the first week went by without much problems, mostly introductions to many new activities, and we bookout just six days in. damn shiok cos i managed to shop and go to huang's house to play mahjong, then relax abit in just that one day, so our confinement period ended up being shorter as well.

thought everything was going fine, even tried to be platoon ic, cos it looked like quite a fun thing to do (cos the previous platoon ic was a joker, but yet a good one). basically give simple marching commands, and reporting strength (which was quite a hassle, cos alot of status-es started coming in). fked up alot, but thought that it might help me make less mistakes in the long run. i became somewhat of a burden though, cos i was blur, forgetful, even if i din't forget certain things ppl still thought to remind me anyway. 

and training started going full blast. it was quite tough, but i cheated quite abit in order to cope, otherwise i'll be too shag for the other activities. but i still felt like i was getting trained, water parade seems easier now, so were pull-ups.

then suddenly alot of ppl started coughing and shyt. everytime we were in the lecture hall, at certain moments suddenly alot of ppl start coughing at the same time that it makes u go 'wtf'. i thought was a psychological thing or what, until one or two of my section mates got it too.

then just last last sunday, i got a headache that probably started from soc, probably not used to wearing the helmet or it restricted my blood flow or something. then i still stupidly went for ippt skills training, which made it worse, especially the shuttle run section. even with the 1.5 hours of learnet time (aka sleep time), my headache din't go away, so i skipped the last activity (cadence run, which was supposedly quite lepak), since everyone told me just report sick to be safe.

the stupid thing is my headache seemed to cure just waiting for my turn to go mo. and then i got 3 days light duty (LD) cos of that. i was like crap, that's damn dumb. plus my sergeant told me before i reported sick that it was all in my head, so it made me regret reporting sick. but that's where all the crap started.

either it was that i really had something on that sunday, but i just dint feel it for the next two days during my LD. i thought that there was nothing wrong with me, so went to do all the saikang and stuff, being bored and all. or maybe its cos being with the statuses spread the 'tekong cough' to me. 

on the morning when i was finally able to resume training, then i suddenly felt that my mind was a bit groggy. i thought was normal, since we always wake up so early. realise i had phlegm in my throat as well, wasn't that much the day before. my temp after first water parade was 37.6, but i din't report sick, since i din't want to miss training again, i lost two practice sessions of SOC cos of my 3 day LD.

first activity that day was ability group run (AGR), and my temp has gone close to 38 just before the exercise. i showed my buddy, but still din't report sick. i even asked one of my section mate who did BMT before whether i should keng abit, do the shorter 17 min run, but he told me if it's bearable then just tahan ba, the training is good for me. so yea lor i did the run.

it felt quite ok during the whole run actually, abit of headache, but it was milder than expected, stitch came once but i resisted it too, maybe my pain tolerance increased. but actually looking back now, it was probably cos of adrenaline. i managed to complete the 20 min run, and tbh the pace was pretty slow, i could probably tank it normally before even entering army. then there was a lecture after that, which i tot was great since there was rest time. i felt quite ok, since i manage to tank through a run even with headache.

things started getting worse from there though. i slept a lot during the lecture, since i looked so shag like i was going to die, headache started to come back also. then i barely could eat anything during lunch. next time i took my temp it was 38.5. the head thermometer they used showed 38.9. so i suffered quite abit in the mo, waiting for so long, and then only went in for like half a minute before they gave me 6 types of medicines wtf, and also attC (which was just 1 day before bookout day. that sucks la of cos)

for the next 4 days, i was almost always in my room, maybe went out to see doctor or eat breakfast. i din't follow the western course of medicine since i kinda doubted that it was proper if they suddenly gave 6 types. ended up eating chinese medicine cos my mom feels like it will cure to root cause of my sickness, and i was also given like 6 types, but it wasn't very effective either, fever dropped for awhile then go back up to 38 again. 

i was bored since i spent so much time sleeping so i burn some time using comp or my phone, but i din't feel very good after that, so i end up sleeping again. anyway, in that 4 days, my cough developed and i suffered quite a lot. on sunday my temp dropped to 37 range, but when i went back, i did not manage to sweat at all, my body just kept heating up, my boots felt like there were heat packs inside. 

i din't feel extremely uncomfortable or anything, just knew that my body was very warm. and my section mates kept asking me if i was ok. but my temp went from 38.0 during last parade to 38.5, and finally 39.3 in the mo. i was like 'fk, im so screwed'. got attC on the same day i went in and waited for 40+ mins for the last ferry, was very terrible, i suffered quite alot.

i think yesterday my temp was never below 38, but i finally went to see western doc to confirm the medicine the mo gave me, turns out they gave quite good ones, so i finally started treatment. was like shyt man, cos i coughed up so much phlegm, when it doesn't come out it feels quite pain. my head was also permanently warm and i felt quite groggy, but i tried air-con treatment, which worked a little. 

but finally, today when i woke up, i din't feel like there were tons of phlegm hidden in my throat, or my head burning or very groggy, which usually was the case since the medicine effects often wore off at night. did a morning walk, it has been like 5 days of me lying down in the bed all the time, after feeling like i would never recover. it felt quite different la, abit like a rehab from not doing anything for so long, walking abt 800m to the park, doing the 'elderly gym' on the playground for abit to sweat out, then walked to loyang point to buy stuff and come back.

i might be able to recover by the end of today i hope, but i still don't feel like my body is back to normal. there's like a bit of weakness here and there, a bit of a numb feeling on my head and stuff. and i need to return to army tmr morning, and probably have to take tmr easy as well, definitely not in the shape to resume training immediately.

but after my illness, i know not to stupidly push myself now, since my body really like paper like that, tank a bit become real illness. but im also like 'how bad can it get' from here. i'm one third through bmt, probably lost all my ambition to become an officer (i'd probably become a burden anyway), but i hope i can cope through the remainder of training and see where i get posted to ba. scs would mean another 6 months of being treated like shyt, but it'll probably be more satisfying as well i guess.

at the very least i hope that from now i won't fall sick again, or be some huge ass burden to my section and platoon. i troubled my section mates and family more than enough already. maybe i'll get stronger both physically and mentally in this next few weeks. and just looking forward to pop ba.

the day before army

right about now jookee and png should have reached tekong, maybe about to get shaved le. i do feel abit excited and nervous since its just the day before, but nevertheless i'm still living life like there wasn't any army tmr, still watching videos and playing games late into the night. i ... woke up at 11 today, so maybe i'm really in trouble hohoho.

i think its cos i go out almost every week since the first batch of guys went to army, until i heard about almost everything they had to say already, all the funny stuff, and advices. my mind probably has been prepared for this for a looong time, but still it feels like my current life will suddenly end today, after a day of slacking, and then it'll be very different for the next two years.

for a while i have not worked, and i feel like i digressed a bit in being a proper person lol, got a bit too lazy and stuff, so ya when i look at army it seems like a lot of benefits. a change in pace, something that will make me a bit more disciplined, and maybe i might actually come to like it, for all i know. i don't have any goal to be an officer or anything, just clear bmt and see where it leads me, but anything can happen haha.

but most probably it'll be sian. very very sian. it's not that i'm not used to sian, but i can't imagine what my mind will be doing if i'm required to stand for 30 mins doing nothing. ok la at least better than me slouching over at my chair the whole day in front of the comp lol.

anyway, other than feeling nothing much about tomorrow, i feel like i have been pretty lucky recently. my work ended, hanged out quite a bit too. other than the regular mahjong, i went to an escape room, which was pretty damn damn damn fun haha, since it was creepy but thrilling. then there was many bbqs, i like the one at bradley's house, cos of the retarded charades haha. commando go 'rawr' for tiger just cracked everyone up.

i kinda got a scholarship for smu heh. i din't really tell many ppl bout this, but holy i seriously din't expect it, full tuition fee covered, 5k per year, 1 free laptop and 1 free overseas trip. i know alot of ppl din't expect me to select smu, since to most ppl from our sch it seems like a weird choice. but i kinda went to the open house, and the students there really impressed me, and the whole vibe i get is IT is more fun here than either nus or ntu. 

yea even my interest in IT only started this year, after i tried programming again for fun since i was too free and should learn something. maybe cos of my job too, i felt it was cool to use command prompt and reformat computers (dk whats wrong with me lol). anyway, i'm really lucky and satisfied haha. maybe cos i'm not trying overseas or anything (have no idea where to go). but really my results aren't that outstanding, pretty sure many other ppl would be able to get better offers than me.

ok la i'm packed for army tmr, though today doesn't really feel different. maybe i shall try my best to sleep earlier tonight, cos the next day will be bam. oh ya next time u guys see me, i'll be hairless lol. i get the feeling i'll be laughed at alot heh. and maybe after u won't see me for the next 2 months (chaining of confinement lol).

i hope i don't get punished to much, hope to get along well with my section. maybe i might meet chee or huang haha. good luck to me tmr heheh. k that's all for now bye~~

off to another trip

hi, it's been pretty long since i last posted heh :P, since nothing really major has occurred for the past two months. leaving for taiwan tmr night already, and i'm kinda here cos i gave up halfway on packing lol. though i'll probably left and come back before anyone would read this haha. going to buy lots of taiwan snacks if possible, cos i got da moneh >D.

anyway, so far work has been okay-ish. updating computers, installing programs, troubleshooting simple things, pretty slack job :D. there was a period i disliked it, cos i felt like it was pretty meaningless, then another period where i liked it cos i felt very useful to all the schools i went to that week, and now i'm like meh, let's just update all this fast, then i can slack until something crops up.

ever since graduating life has been quite okay, i kinda miss talking with familiar people like it was back in school. its nice that i get to change environment every day, but its also a little bit lonely cos even though i can chat with the ppl at school, eat with them, joke around abit, i'm still much younger than them in both age and experience, and won't really be involved that much after all.

anyway, the guys have been in army for quite a while now, in fact most ppl are POP-ing two weeks later, which would be quite a good time for another big outing haha. for the past few weeks, me, wong, chee, pin, junwei, jookee and kian wee (not everyone all the time) have been regularly meeting up, mostly to play mahjong, eat fast food and chat abit haha. also played futsal last week. in the end i always go, cos it provides with the missing interaction that i used to have in school but am lacking now heh.

anyway, these days i've watched quite a lot of anime and also running man. the episodes from 140 episodes are all freaking amazing haha, makes me burst out laughing while slacking in school sometimes lol, though i don't really get to rant about it to anyone already haha. i'm going through anime pretty fast these days too, due to all the transport time, though nowhere nearly as fast as wong.

kinda gave up trying to learn more jap already, which i was when i first started working. also picked up introductory java (my mum gave me some pracs), which was quite fun la, but then after i cleared it, don't feel like picking up android le, cos looks compicated >.<. so these days i really just passing days doing nothing lolol, even though im going to enter army soon >.<. but i guess i'll just go with the flow since i'm not really thinking about anything far beyond the present heh

i feel a little sian that its going to be my turn to enter army soon, going to lose all my free time, and also have to keep my brain from getting bored. but at the same time, a part of me also wants to go in there, since it'll be something different again, and i'm getting a little bit bored, since i'm not being very constructive these days anyway. hope it gets rid of my unhealthy lack of sleep lifestyle, and also wasting time doing random stuff haha. just wish that i wouldn't get into trouble... i might not get to see anyone for the first month after i go in lol.

ok la that's it for now. i really have nothing much to write about these days. probably will have a few more posts, then i predict this blog will really die once i become regular in army haha. kk bye ~~

working!

sup! haven't been here for quite awhile, but loaddsss of things have happened by then. from back then, i said i wanted to work in starbucks, maybe cos i got influenced by working! haha. its a damn funny anime btw. but in the end, i went through many different things before finally getting the one i have now.

don't want to sound like i have a lot of working experience, cos im the one who has worked for the shortest time among everyone else, but during this time i came to learn lots of things. this post is extremely wordy and may seem very rant-like, but anyway after all this, i kinda appreciate what happened.

the first job i tried for was swensens, which at that time sounded like a fun job. anyway, due to my nervousness since it was my first try in getting a job, i guess i screwed up the 'interview' (just a chat with the manager), cos i was abit too eager to accept things, and din't really ask any questions at all. so they din't call back, even though they said they would call. i guess that's quite a polite way of rejecting lol.

so i tried doing applying for a data entry job at some department in cisco building (cos my uncle told them to consider my resume). which turned out they din't have a data entry job for me after all. so the guy tried to sway me in picking up the other temp jobs they need to fill (very common during festive periods). but that's just another name for saigang la.

the guy spent quite awhile trying to persuade me, and helping me find a location near my area. since i haven't started work yet, and getting a lot of nagging from my mom (she doesn't say it directly, but she kept picking on me obviously cos i haven't found a job). so ya i took the offer, some sort of promoter job. tried to clarify what i'll be doing, but turns out it was quite different from expected.

when i just started, the first two hours i was standing there, not knowing what i was supposed to do. all the person in the supermarket told me was to just try to sell the yeo's drinks, and then went off to do their own thing. at first i was kinda lost, and extremely, extremely bored, cos i was seriously getting paid for doing almost nothing except standing at the section with the yeo's drink. and the other promoters were either slacking or doing i dunno what, but it probably wasn't anything constructive lol.

so i guess i tried my best to waste time until dinner, which was 4 hours of horrible boredom, and after that finally feeling a little bit better, suddenly the guy at the supermarket told me to help in some sort of sale, where they go to the front side near the shop to sell stuff discounted.

was quite interesting actually lol. mostly i was putting 24-drink cartons into plastic bags and collecting money and stuff. saw quite alot of sceptical faces walking by haha, since this guy was using a megaphone to lelong ppl to come. and cheating by using the repeat function on it lol. was quite noisy, quite hiong also since i kept having to carry and pack those cartons (i think abt 6 kg for one), but strangely i felt quite thrilled to be there.

and then the guys at the supermarket got to know me, and even though at first glance they seem like pretty unfriendly, uncouth ppl, their conversations are actually pretty interesting haha. and i then understood that the promoters are not paid by the supermarket, so they really had no reason to do anything for us. they are working hard for the supermarket, while we just slack there and get paid 7/hr. its kinda enlightening after realising all this.

second day was pretty much the same, except in the morning, i went to ngee ann and uob building because i applied for an admin job via recruitexpress. they replied very quickly, i only just tried sending my resume two days before, and ended up receiving so many calls within the span of those two days. it was abit annoying actually, but i ended up arranging many meetings (with about 6 consultants), cos i kinda wanted a long term job with proper office hours.

i tried making sure that i would get a job i want this time, avoiding getting swayed by any attempts for short-term job, or call center/helpdesk, just only admin, cos i thought that was probably the best i could do for now, with my sub-par qualifications. even tried picking up excel skills during that time, and it wasn't really anything difficult, pivot tables or v-lookup. so yea within the time from 9-12, met up with 6 ppl, got lost and pissed, got worried, tried to be firm about my requests, and in the end actually got interviews arranged for me. then after that i went off to promoter job again, from 2 - 10pm.

still got called non-stop, cos they probably get commission from doing all this, but i still answered most of the calls, cos i had to make sure i'd get one. then just after dinner, i got told about a pc upgrading job (at least that's what they called it), and the person described it as quite a good oppotunity to learn things. and there was barely any time left to accept it, so i did, and cancelled the rest of my days as a promoter, risked compensation cos of cancellation of contract, and got somewhat worried and excited.

well at least the promoter job, while short, was quite interesting to me haha.  met friendly people, sceptical people, did some extra services, seriously cos i feel better helping them carry the stuff to the carpark, helped out in those kind of street side bargaining, compared prices with two other nearby supermarkets and had a price war lol. was actually pretty damn fun, though i probably wouldn't find it that entertaining anymore if i stayed on.

so after all that hecticness, in the end i did get the "pc upgrading job" at ncs (this company that handles lots of comp stuff, and where my father worked in before), and somehow din't get my two days pay cancelled. i feel a bit bad for the guy on the hiring side for causing him trouble, but hey i got it quite rough too haha. and then i went for my first day for this new job.

first day was pretty damn boring actually. the first 4 hours was an admin briefing done by an admin doing it for the first time, and it was pretty bad. like cos she din't seem to know what she was briefing other than just reading off this 30 page briefing nots. and half the stuff are unrelated to ppl doing it temporarily, but still there's some significance in talking bout leave and mc matters, and contract breaking, which is 1 months pay holy shyt.

after that, i went to lunch at nanyang poly, just next to ncs, met my mom (she's a lecturer there), was feeling pretty demoralised cos it seems like i just can't get any interesting job. though the second 4 hour briefing was quite interesting, though its a bit too freaking difficult for newbies like us. the other ppl with me are older and some have it diploma or other stuff, but still no one really understood. even still, it kinda made me realise how the moe system for handling school computers work, and sounded quite cool at that point of time.

when we actually started work though, we did nothing but update mcaffee software, probably that's why it is 7/hr. the whole point of it is to ensure that the computers doesn't get quarantined (internet access is not allowed) due to not installing any updates for longer than a month. well that was the main gist of what we did for on-job training, which lasted for about a week, and where 3 schools were either in choa chu kang or boon lay D:. after it ended i din't feel like i really got trained at all.

but i did play around with lots of things. its like a newfound power after all, admin rights and the knowledge to shutdown computers remotely. and then how to reformat computers using the moe active directory (basically its like a database u can access with internet connection, containing programs, guides, images to reformat computers, and information). alot of jargon, but i was actually quite curious to find out more.

we completed our tasks very quickly, i mean how hard can it be to update computers when there are like 4 ppl to do 80 laptops. its super slack, the rest of the time we just did our own stuff, like the person in charge of training us was just using internet. i wanted to learn more, but it felt abit weird to ask. so i guess i was kinda demoralised, but din't really do anything about it. since there were many half-days near the chinese new year period, on-job training was over before i knew it.

but having outings in between working days kept me entertained. ate cheap buffet at justacia after playing at board games cafe, played the shadow hunter, and lanned for awhile. then after that there was cny, and while i did less than i usually do every year, i got to gamble abit with my mom's side, who are as lively as ever, and played abit of dancing on xbox kinnect haha. then went for one more jap buffet at kiseki, cos its the last for most of us before they entered army. i wonder how u guys are doing now haha.

anyway, at the very least i feel more satisfied than i had been before i found work. and maybe got abit of understanding of what a 5 day work week feels like (early mornings, long hours that take forever to pass). and maybe why "outside work" time is important haha. it kept me going, since all those travelling time and expenses, hours of doing nothing are super mood-killing lol.

after on job training, things got abit more interesting though. funny how updating software became less than 20% of what i did. slacking is still like 40% though haha. anyway, i ended up doing many side small tasks, like making small tweaks in teacher's laptops (quite troublesome cos i can't just use their comps without permission if they are not there, and some of them are doing work).

also helped out in comp labs when students are doing some survey, using some sort of mass control program called junglebyte. u know the one where the teacher can mass lock all the comps so u don't facebook during lessons? ya that's the program. though it can also be used to mass login, mass anti-virus update, mass transfer files or command prompt scripts, mass log on to a certain website. its pretty cool learning how to use it haha.

there was also meridian jc, which has 20 mobile carts (some sort of "armored" portable cabinets that contrain 20 laptops inside). so i was pretty shocked, cos that's 400 laptops to update holy shyt. but this guy did some BIOS settings (the one u get when u press F10 or some other button on ur comp when u startup), and he can make computers on by themselves, update, then shut them down, all automatically. i guess i was pretty lucky to go there, cos at that point in time he has not done it for a few laptops, so i ended up helping and learning how to do all these settings too.

so ya to be honest, the tech people in those schools don't really need us roving technical assistants to be there, cos they can manage everything perfectly fine by themselves. for those of us who got "trained" together, we kinda share to each other how we are completely lost for what to do or doing nothing through whatsapp haha. but in a way, i kind of treat this job as some sort of internship where i actually could help abit, and even if we are useless, i guess im learning quite a bit, and slowly taking interest in info tech. so it feels quite good after all, at the end of the day.

i just ranted a huge load haha, if ur still here, u've worked really hard lol. tried to make the thing readable, but i guess probably only i really understand what is going on haha. just wanted to purge all this out somewhere lol. anyway, its been quite a ride, but i feel somewhat enlightened. i do still miss old times in schools where it was fun and i din't have to think about anything, but i guess after having things rough, everyone somehow manages to adapt and continue to try to enjoy life as much as one can. i only wished they talked about this more during ACE lessons when we were still in school lol.

k la that's all for now haha. need to wake up early tmr. bye~~