its been a really long time since i last posted haha. i wanted to post at the end of last sem but i just couldn't get myself to bother, and i almost forgot the existence of this blog, but yea im back again :) uni life has been really eventful. fun, and overall i think my experience has been pretty positive. just finished exams last week and i have quite a few things to look forward to for this summer haha.
going on cultural exchange to japan on 4-21 May, then a study trip to japan again (idk how i plan things haha) from 2-10 Jun. in between and after these trips, i have events subcomm duties for meta camp, and not long later, it would be the mock and actual camps. would have quite a few IS workshops during july period, and also probably rehearsing for guitar performance in september (oh yes i joined guitar heheh). quite a few exciting things lined up for me haha, and i hope i wont be too busy to have fun :)
idk where to start, but i guess the best thing about uni so far is i've manage to find a group of close friends (which is our meta camp group), and its not like we are very happening or anything, but it really made me look forward to going to school everyday, even though life is so shag haha. there were many good moments, buffets, birthday celebrations, mini outings, mugging for tests together, and actually its all the many small meetings that count haha.
this sem i feel like i've done a few things that i can be proud off haha, and im starting to get better and gain confidence at what i can do.
i joined guitar, and even though it isn't anything very special (in fact some ppl might find it boring), i really like how the members are quite bonded (some alumni also come back for practice), and how its a really chill place and free from politics haha. in the short 2-3 months i've joined, we've had a performance at open house, and then 2 weeks later, a performance at sengkang library (just a very small one). i also found out how noob i still am haha, but also how fun it is to screw up as a group but still manage to give a good performace heheh.
joining this cca has reignited my interest in guitar, and outside of cca time i have went to self-learn many more songs now and i feel confident to play quite a few chinese, korean, jap and english songs for fingerstyle haha. i really like chinese and korean songs, cos they're very emotional and i get alot of feels playing them :D. haven't really got a chance to showoff showcase what i have picked up, but im quite proud of myself for improving so much in this short period :P. looking forward to cca resume, though it'll probably be june before i go to my next session haha
another thing that has been going well for me is my acads i guess. i don't really want to show off to my SMU friends haha, and i know i'm really not that smart, as compared to how many of my NUS or overseas friends doing engineering, medicine/pharm. i guess anyone of them would probably top the cohort here as well because i guess tbh it isn't to difficult here compared to NUS haha. i really liked this sem's mods (2 coding mods, stats, econs, bgs) and i guess i've put a lot of effort (relative to myself last time) and managed to get quite a lot of full marks haha.
i guess i also spent quite a lot of time helping ppl this sem because after awhile, because after one year of studies, i realise i quite enjoy helping or guiding ppl in coding, and subjects that im good at. a lot of ppl started calling me is god, and when we hit hard topic, they say stuff like if i dont know means they wont be able to know it.
but then at the same time, this actually made me feel a bit excluded, and i dont really like the attention also. by their actions, sometimes i feel like ppl underplay the effort i put in to do ms ching's (my infamous stats prof) homework every week, or finish all the labtest practices. i acknowledge that i probably don't mug as hard as some ppl (maybe most ppl), but i really tried. and sometimes i really don't know or i'm very drained from juggling work from 5 mods, but ppl just say i don't need to worry about anything, even though im sure they dont mean any harm.
but i guess this is a small issue haha, since summer has started :P. just my feelings getting hurt a bit. hopefully this sem i might be able to score 5A+ and get perfect score for just 1 sem haha, though i might not have done well for finals for some topics heh. actually, ultimately i dont really care, though its good to have nice results, because most of my satisfaction comes from feeling like i've really learnt alot of useful stuff, especially the coding mods (we can read and write files now, build databases, make a small website to process queries, got better at charts and excel stuff because of stats).
ok i bet i guess i showed off quite a bit haha, but not many readers here to judge me anyway :P. i just want to feel a bit of acknowledgement even though when ppl praise me in real life i just react weirdly haha.
one thing that made me feel kind of disappointed this sem was that i didn't manage to become a meta faci, because i couldn't find a partner. i really wanted to become one because my faci was a really good one and i wanted to be in the same position, giving advice and helping the freshies.
what happened in the end was everyone thought i was going to co-faci with this girl in my meta group, but then in the end idk why but she chose someone else to co-faci with her. i was actually quite hurt and even cried a bit, and at some point i was somewhat angry also and did not talk to her for a long time. but deep inside i thought that maybe it was just me that wasn't good enough.
in the end i joined as a subcomm, and discussing and planning the games was actually quite fun and the subcomm members are all quite lively haha. even still, it is a lot of work when 6 ppl plan like the whole events section for the camp. i still feel kind of sed when i see the facis grouping together discussing about their performances and their names and trying to pull different ppl in for their freshies. but i guess once its all over i would still feel satisfied with what i did.
there are times when i feel kind of inadequate, even though i told myself not to compare with other ppl especially looking through insta and stuff. to me it feels like there's a missing element of fun in my life haha. maybe its because im too focused on just studying and cca and playing my games, and i feel like people don't really have much to talk to me about because i don't have any interesting stories to tell (aka gossip).
i know im quite lucky so i should look at things that i have instead of what i dont have haha. i got some people to talk to about different stuff, but i still keep a few things to myself because i cant get myself to say them. overall, i guess things have been going quite smoothly for me, so i shan't really complain haha. just hoping that someday i can find someone who can accept me for my flaws and provide me emotional support haha.
anyway, that's all for now ba. really looking forward to summer starting and hope to have lots of fun in japan :D. let me know if u guys want any souvenirs ^^
